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Band 2.5

These days Internet has brought a revolution in the world. what are the advantages and disadvantages of internet?

#internet #revolution #world
Nowadays, the
internet
 is already being used massively in the world. People from all over the globe can get any
information
 they want from anywhere
becaused
Correct your spelling
because
 of the
internet
.
Although
,
this
 revolution
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages. The advantages of a revolution brought by the
internet
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the biggest sources of
information
 that provide
information
 that could
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 a lot of people from the cheesiest things to the most difficult things, and
information
 to encourage online learning.
Then
, because of the
internet
Add a comma
internet,
show examples
 we can know anyone from all over countries by any
forms
Fix the agreement mistake
form
show examples
 of communication
such
 as social media, games, etc.
On the other hand
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages that the
internet
 has brought. As
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 said before, the
internet
 become a place for
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
information
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
hoax
Fix the agreement mistake
hoaxes
show examples
 or fake news.
Also
, it caused
internet
 addiction usually defined as problematic use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 which can lead to terrible physical and mental health. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 revolution that the
internet
 has brought can
give us
Verb problem
have
show examples
 good and bad
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
, it depends on how we use it
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. As long as we know the limit and good control, we can earn all the advantages of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay does include an introduction and conclusion, they could be more explicitly defined. The introductory sentence should set out the topic clearly, outlining the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed. The conclusion needs to summarize the points made and present a final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
Your essay does attempt to answer the question, presenting both advantages and disadvantages of the internet. However, your points are general and lack detailed development. Expand on the ideas by providing more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas could be improved. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that expand on the topic and include examples or data where relevant. This will help create a more coherent and cohesive essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolution
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • easy access
  • information
  • communication
  • online shopping
  • banking
  • entertainment
  • multimedia
  • online learning
  • education
  • global connectivity
  • addiction
  • time-wasting
  • privacy
  • security concerns
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • health issues
  • digital divide
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