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Band 6

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #society #benefit #contribution
Some
people
 say that living a healthy and long
life
 is important for all of us . In
this
 essay , I will discuss how society can contribute to
people
 over the
age
 of sixty-five for their good health and active
life
 full of joy and happiness.
To begin
 with, Birth and death is a universal truth of
life
 .But, all individuals want to live a long and healthy
life
 . Over the
age
 of sixty-five diseases can easily impact a person because of their low immunity. We do not want our loved ones to leave us soon.
For instance
 , a survey from the New York Times revealed that 80% of
people
 above 65
age
 from Japan are physically fit and living a happy
life
 and the average
age
 of Japan's
people
 is above 90 years . The reason behind
this
 is old
people
 are actively doing yoga , gym and eating food which is full of nutrients.
Secondly
 , In SWEDAN most of the old
people
 help the government with community services like plantation , painting the walls etc which make them feel happy as they are indulging in some activities. Even though ,they feel more relaxed and energetic to interact with person in their
age
.
In addition
 ,
that is
 why , Sweden is in the top third of the entire world , and it holds the top economy too. In conclusion , Health is wealth , Society should contribute to old
people
's health and their long
life
. The government should organise some events i.e. cycling , marathon races etc to encourage
people
 over the
age
 of 65 to lead a healthy
life
 . Along Government , it is the responsibility of each family member to take care of old
people
 in the family.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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task achievement
The essay briefly addresses the topic of older people's contribution to society but does not explore in depth how society can benefit from their involvement beyond improved health and active lifestyles. Focus on expanding your ideas concerning the specific contributions older people can make and how society benefits from these.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is satisfactory, however, stronger topic sentences and better paragraph transitions could enhance clarity and flow. Work on making your main points clear in each paragraph and use cohesive devices to better link ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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