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Band 6.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
In modern society, with the development of technology, everyone has a smartphone of their own and
this
 is becoming one of the recurring arguments.
This
 writer believes that the benefits of easier connection with each other and entertainment outweigh the drawbacks of health issues. The most advantageous factor of owning a smartphone is easier contact with everyone. Through
this
 device, humans can send messages to one another more conveniently
instead
 of using complicated methods.
For instance
, currently, teenagers only need a few clicks to send a picture or a video to their friends through social media apps
such
 as Facebook so
this
 is extremely useful when compared with the ways of sending messages in Ancient times. On top of that, smartphones
also
 connect individuals from all over the world, even introverts because they do not need to interact directly but only by an app like SMS or Twitter. Another positive side of using a smartphone is entertainment. One of the most popular uses of
this
 device is for fun, particularly playing games or listening to music. Nowadays, humans are usually put under pressure;
therefore
, utilizing technology is chosen by a large amount of customers to help them release stress.
This
 was proved by the growing number of downloading social apps
such
 as Tik Tok and Youtube which is the obvious evidence for the importance of entertainment.
However
, if humans abuse these intelligent devices, it will lead to some serious problems, especially health. Looking at the screen for a long time will cause eye issues
due to
 the green light released by the screen and it will
also
 be the reason for exhaustion
due to
 sleeplessness. Take TikTok as an example, when consumers use
this
 app
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 1 hour, there is a warning sign to remind them.
However
, they tend to ignore
this
 sign
due to
 the large benefits of smartphones. Taking everything into account, the negative effect of health problems is outweighed by the useful impact of smartphones.
Hence
, owning a phone in
this
 era will bring a lot of beneficial sides for owners.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical progression of ideas is clear and consistent throughout the essay. Use a greater variety of linking words to improve the flow from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to restate your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points effectively to remind the reader of your argument's strength.
coherence cohesion
Support main points more convincingly with specific examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. General statements can be improved with detailed illustrations.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in detail. Each paragraph should contribute to answering the question.
task achievement
Present clear, well-developed ideas and avoid an over-reliance on simple concepts. The complexity of ideas will enhance the overall quality of the response.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support statements and provide evidence for the claims made. Avoid generalizations and offer concrete instances whenever possible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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