IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
It is beneficial for all age groups of individuals to have
savings
. I believe that these
savings
 can give
people
 a sense of relief and comfort, and it can make
people
 adept at using their
money
 wisely. First of all, having extra
money
 can stop
people
 from worrying too much.
People
 save
money
 from
time
 to
time
 to spend on something they usually need immediately like, repairing their car, surgical operation, or moving from their neighborhood. They can do all these things because of their
savings
 and if their
savings
 account is empty they will be anxious about future events that could occur. So, saving
money
 can relieve
people
 of unpredictable events in the future.
Secondly
, putting aside extra cash can teach
people
 how to manage their salary. Most
people
 put a portion of their salaries at the start of each month into their
savings
 account to reduce their available total credit. They can
then
 spend all their
money
 on necessary things
such
 as paying
installments
Change the spelling
instalments
show examples
 and buying clothes or groceries.
This
 can prevent them from having unnecessary expenditures which most
people
 are addicted to.
As a result
, it is advantageous for
people
 to save their
money
 to spend less on useless things. In conclusion, I believe that having
money
 to spare all the
time
 can save
people
 from unseen events in the future and relieve their minds at the same
time
.
Also
, it can give
people
money
-related skills that are useful in their lives.
Submitted by mohamad.m.sharifi74 on

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task achievement
While the response is generally clear and addresses the task prompt well, you could provide more specific examples to support your points more thoroughly. For instance, mentioning some concrete scenarios where savings were crucial for young people could enhance your argument.
task achievement
Consider ensuring that each main point is fully developed within its paragraph. You have solid main points, but further elaboration and more detailed explanations could strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, though there is room for improvement by using more varied transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding your explanations and connecting your points more tightly. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and efficiently framed. The essay starts with a strong thesis statement and ends with a concise summary of your main arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the task and clearly stated. You maintain a good focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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