In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvantages?

In the modern digital day, each person has their own smartphone. In my point of view, the drawback that
people
might be scammed
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Internet
is outweighed by the advantages which help humans to connect to others in the world and
access
to
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apply
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the
Internet
everywhere.
Firstly
,
smartphones
can connect humans in the world together. By the way, to explain, there are some social apps like Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, which can help
people
make more friends on the social network and share their special moments with others.
For example
,
community
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the community
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usually share some spectacular views when they travel somewhere and other social users can see and share their feelings so that they can know each other and be friends on the social network.
Thus
,
people
can be connected to each other by
smartphones
.
Moreover
, humans can
access
the
Internet
everywhere with just a smartphone.
In other words
, the population who use
smartphones
can connect to the
Internet
in all places with Wi-Fi for searching for information, chatting with friends or more.
Additionally
, the
Internet
is
also
a convenient tool to help
people
in many fields.
For example
, students can use the
Internet
to learn knowledge or teachers can be helped by the
Internet
to prepare for lessons. Thereby,
smartphones
allow
people
to
access
the
Internet
everywhere they want.
However
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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might be caught by scammers. To explain, the
Internet
always has scammers, who want to put users into traps and take their information or money.
As a result
, they can get into debt because the heavy loans suddenly appear in their bank account. But
this
problem can be solved by educating the user about
Internet
scammers and ways to prevent it. In conclusion,
smartphones
can help
people
connect to others and
access
the
Internet
everywhere, which can outweigh the drawbacks of being scammed on the
Internet
. So ,owning a smartphone nowadays is necessary and brings more benefits than disadvantages.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay has a recognizable structure, but the introduction could better prepare the reader for the arguments that will follow, and the conclusion could more forcefully summarise the main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop each paragraph with one clear main idea and use cohesive devices effectively, such as linking words and transition phrases. While the essay features some cohesion, further enhancement is needed through varied use of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to lead the reader through the argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task thoroughly, providing a balanced view if the question requires. While the essay attempts to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone usage, the disadvantage is not explored enough and lacks depth. Be sure to analyse both sides to the required extent.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your claims. Although some examples are given, they are quite general. Use concrete and precise examples to strengthen your arguments and provide real-world context.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Remote work
  • Information access
  • Learning opportunities
  • GPS
  • Mapping services
  • Entertainment
  • Media consumption
  • Health monitoring
  • Fitness tracking
  • Productivity
  • Task management
  • Distraction
  • Procrastination
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health
  • Cybersecurity
  • Privacy concerns
  • E-waste
  • Environmental impact
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