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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.
The graph below illustrates the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
shops
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 that closed and the
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amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
shops
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opened
Correct pronoun usage
that opened
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 in a single country between 2011 and 2018. The highest
amount
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 of
shops
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 opened happened around 2011,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 approximately 8,500
shops
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 were opened during the
year
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, and the lowest
amount
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 of
shops
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getting
Verb problem
apply
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closed was around 2015,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 only a mere 500
shops
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 were closed during that
year
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. Following the graph, we can see that the average
amount
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 of
shops
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 opening is
at
Change preposition
on
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 a decline from 2011, with a few minor fluctuations during the
period
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the average
amount
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 of
shops
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 that were closed
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been steady for the most part, disregarding the steep drop in the
year
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 2015. In the
year
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 2012, only 4000 new
shops
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 opened, which is a steep decline from the
year
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 prior.
However
Linking Words
, the
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amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of openings had a stable increase for 2 years, reaching 6,000 in 2014, before decreasing again in 2015, where it remained around the same
amount
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 for the rest of the
period
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. The closures remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
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stable
amount
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 throughout the
period
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, staying around a steady 6,000-7,000 throughout 2011-2014, before experiencing a steep drop in 2015,
then
Linking Words
 picking up a steady 5,000 for the rest of the
period
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. In conclusion, closures for the most part remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
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stable
amount
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, only experiencing one drop throughout the
period
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 openings have been declining, with a few minor fluctuations throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, shops, year, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "steep" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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