IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.

The chart shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops opening in a country from 2011 to 2018.
#shops #country
The graph below illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
 that closed and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
shops
opened
Correct pronoun usage
that opened
show examples
 in a single country between 2011 and 2018. The highest
amount
 of
shops
 opened happened around 2011,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 approximately 8,500
shops
 were opened during the
year
, and the lowest
amount
 of
shops
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
closed was around 2015,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 only a mere 500
shops
 were closed during that
year
. Following the graph, we can see that the average
amount
 of
shops
 opening is
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a decline from 2011, with a few minor fluctuations during the
period
,
whereas
 the average
amount
 of
shops
 that were closed
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been steady for the most part, disregarding the steep drop in the
year
 2015. In the
year
 2012, only 4000 new
shops
 opened, which is a steep decline from the
year
 prior.
However
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of openings had a stable increase for 2 years, reaching 6,000 in 2014, before decreasing again in 2015, where it remained around the same
amount
 for the rest of the
period
. The closures remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
amount
 throughout the
period
, staying around a steady 6,000-7,000 throughout 2011-2014, before experiencing a steep drop in 2015,
then
 picking up a steady 5,000 for the rest of the
period
. In conclusion, closures for the most part remained
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
amount
, only experiencing one drop throughout the
period
,
whereas
 openings have been declining, with a few minor fluctuations throughout the
period
.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, shops, year, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "steep" was used 3 times.
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