What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024?
Achievement in 2023 and Revolution in 2024
Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024.
Last
year
was a year
of surprise and happiness because we bought a new house
and gained Canadian
citizenship
. Firstly
, my family was so lucky when we bought a house
. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap house
, but the house
is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our house
was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less time
. Secondly
, we finally
gained Canadian
citizenship
. My mom studied and worked hard every day for this
. She spent time
daily improving her English
skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving Canadian
citizenship
. After all the work, she now has Canadian
citizenship
, and because of that, I became a Canadian
citizen, too. To sum up
, I bought a new house
and became a Canadian
citizen, making 2023 the best year
in my life until now.
This
year
, there are two resolutions: an approach to better English
and a visit back to my motherland. To begin
with, I want to learn more English
to improve my skill level. I’ll write every day to make my paragraph better and better. Also
, I will try to learn new English
words so I can speak freely and masterly. Next,
my family and I will visit Vietnam
after a long time
. After two years in Canada, I am looking forward to going to Vietnam
to see what changes and to see my family and friends; I want to see where I grew up after a very long time
. To wrap up, improving my English
skill level and going back to Vietnam
will make 2024 to look forward to. To conclude
, approaching a higher level of English
and returning to Vietnam
will make 2024 a year
I will never forget. Also
, 2023 is the year
that made me proud because I became Canadian
and because we had our own house
.Submitted by huyenle1205 on
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coherence cohesion
You should aim to create a clear and logical structure for your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear purpose, and the ideas should flow naturally from one to the next. Use topic sentences to introduce your main points and ensure each paragraph follows coherently from its predecessor.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. The introduction should clearly outline what the reader can expect from your essay without revealing all of the details. The conclusion should summarise the main points without introducing anything new, and it should link back to the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the main points you introduce are fully developed and supported with specific details and examples. While you have provided personal examples, incorporating additional evidence or citing more concrete details could enhance the support for your main points and deepen the analysis.
task achievement
You have responded to the task well by outlining your achievements in 2023 and your resolutions for 2024. However, to achieve a higher score, work on expanding and developing your ideas more fully and providing clearer reasoning for why these events were significant to you.
task achievement
Try to convey your ideas more comprehensively by further elaborating on them. Give the reader a better understanding of your personal experiences. This will involve explaining more about the process and emotions involved in your achievements and future resolutions.
task achievement
Include relevant and varied examples to support your points. In addition to personal anecdotes, consider other kinds of evidence or illustrative examples. This could involve comparing your experiences to wider societal trends or describing the broader implications of your achievements and resolutions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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