In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages.

Nowadays, a
lot
of
peoplehave
Correct your spelling
people have
their own mobile phones.
Thiswriter
Correct your spelling
This writer
argues that the benefits of having own
smartphones
outweigh the drawbacks of it. The most advantageous factor of having own
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
show examples
is
information
security. It must be recognised that each person of us
also
has private
information
that might not want to show to everyone so
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
is the most
reasonableplace
Correct your spelling
reasonable place
to save
information
.
As a result
, most
people
have their own
smartphones
even the young and the old. Thereby,
smartphone
is really needed to save
information
. Communication in emergency situations is another point worth considering. With your
smartphone
, you can call for help if you really need help or are in emergency situations. In a
lot
of situations, the mobile phone has rescued
people
by calling the police, doctor or firefighters.
Thus
,
Add an article
the
a
show examples
smartphone
is
also
a useful tool to help us defend ourselves.
Conversely
, it is often said that having a mobile phone is disadvantageous
due to
the high entertainment it brings. To be more specific,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
, there are a
lot
of games, and social networking applications which can attract our attention.
Consequently
, many
people
are neglected in their work and studies and their lives are seriously affected.
This
may be true but there are always a
lot
of
people
who can control their emotions. In conclusion, the drawback of having own
smartphone
is outweighed by the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that having own phone is essential for many citizens.
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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