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Band 3

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages.

#world #people #smartphone
Nowadays, a
lot
 of
peoplehave
Correct your spelling
people have
 their own mobile phones.
Thiswriter
Correct your spelling
This writer
 argues that the benefits of having own
smartphones
 outweigh the drawbacks of it. The most advantageous factor of having own
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
show examples
 is
information
 security. It must be recognised that each person of us
also
 has private
information
 that might not want to show to everyone so
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 is the most
reasonableplace
Correct your spelling
reasonable place
 to save
information
.
As a result
, most
people
 have their own
smartphones
 even the young and the old. Thereby,
smartphone
 is really needed to save
information
. Communication in emergency situations is another point worth considering. With your
smartphone
, you can call for help if you really need help or are in emergency situations. In a
lot
 of situations, the mobile phone has rescued
people
 by calling the police, doctor or firefighters.
Thus
,
Add an article
the
a
show examples
smartphone
 is
also
 a useful tool to help us defend ourselves.
Conversely
, it is often said that having a mobile phone is disadvantageous
due to
 the high entertainment it brings. To be more specific,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
, there are a
lot
 of games, and social networking applications which can attract our attention.
Consequently
, many
people
 are neglected in their work and studies and their lives are seriously affected.
This
 may be true but there are always a
lot
 of
people
 who can control their emotions. In conclusion, the drawback of having own
smartphone
 is outweighed by the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
, it should have been demonstrated that having own phone is essential for many citizens.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the essay's stance and major points, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the essay's argument without introducing new ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. Use linking words to better connect ideas and further refine the structure.
Task Achievement
Support main points with clear examples and explanations. Each paragraph should center around one main idea with relevant supporting details. Avoid overly broad statements without concrete examples.
Task Achievement
Carefully read the prompt and make sure your essay fully addresses the question asked, providing a clear opinion and discussing both sides of the argument where applicable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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