In today's world ,amy people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone ouweigh the disadantages?

Smartphones have become popular devices worldwide coming up with lots of its benefits and
also
some drawbacks.
This
essay believes that having a smartphone can offer more advantages than disadvantages via the limitless range of information. The most beneficial pros of
this
kind of phone is the enormous amount of information through the Internet and social media.
This
is
due to
the fact that you can find everything on the Internet in a short time because there are about 6 billion users in
this
field so the ratio of unfounded things was extremely low.
For example
, if you type what you want to find to Google, it will give you millions of results in under 1 second.
Hence
, the root benefit of phones is the wide number of data you
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
find.
In contrast
, everything has two sites, one is good and one is bad and so do these gadgets as they have made a large number of people become
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
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and dependent. Because of its massive data range, there will be a lot of services that fit up with every kind of
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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and,
as a result
, they will just focus on what they like. Take Vietnam as an example for
this
statement,
this
is a developing country but its digital society is enormous, everyone has
Correct article usage
a phones
show examples
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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even though
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their income
was
Wrong verb form
is
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not so affordable,
this
is because of their addictiveness,
consequently
, many citizens have suffered from bankruptcy. Appealing services on the Internet
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
become a problem that governments in
this
country and, possibly, every country could not deal with. Another advantage of smartphones is
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
mobility. These gadgets are small enough for you to put in your pocket and move
to
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere you want, you can call everybody in
this
world
in
Change preposition
apply
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anywhere at
every
Correct determiner usage
any
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time. So that your smartphone could be the most powerful invention. Taking everything into account,
although
there are some disadvantages which relate to the addictiveness, the pros of these phones can outweigh these negative sites.
Hence
,
this
writer has illustrated the pros and cons of owning mobile gadgets.

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Task Achievement
While your main ideas are generally relevant, they could be developed further. In your essay, each paragraph should ideally present one clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea in depth. For task achievement, ensure that you are also addressing all parts of the task and providing a clear answer throughout the essay, including the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is fairly logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Coherence is achieved not only through a logical sequence but also the use of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases. Consider revising to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs to make the text more cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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