In today's world ,amy people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone ouweigh the disadantages?

#world #amy #people #smartphone #ouweigh #disadantages

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Smartphones have become popular devices worldwide coming up with lots of its benefits and

also

Linking Words

some drawbacks.

This

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essay believes that having a smartphone can offer more advantages than disadvantages via the limitless range of information. The most beneficial pros of

this

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kind of phone is the enormous amount of information through the Internet and social media.

This

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due to

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the fact that you can find everything on the Internet in a short time because there are about 6 billion users in

this

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field so the ratio of unfounded things was extremely low.

For example

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, if you type what you want to find to Google, it will give you millions of results in under 1 second.

Hence

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, the root benefit of phones is the wide number of data you

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

find.

In contrast

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, everything has two sites, one is good and one is bad and so do these gadgets as they have made a large number of people become

addictive

Replace the word

addicted

show examples

and dependent. Because of its massive data range, there will be a lot of services that fit up with every kind of

humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

show examples

and,

as a result

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, they will just focus on what they like. Take Vietnam as an example for

this

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statement,

this

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is a developing country but its digital society is enormous, everyone has

Correct article usage

a phones

show examples

phones

Fix the agreement mistake

phone

show examples

even though

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

their income

was

Wrong verb form

show examples

not so affordable,

this

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is because of their addictiveness,

consequently

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, many citizens have suffered from bankruptcy. Appealing services on the Internet

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

become a problem that governments in

this

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country and, possibly, every country could not deal with. Another advantage of smartphones is

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

mobility. These gadgets are small enough for you to put in your pocket and move

Change preposition

apply

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everywhere you want, you can call everybody in

this

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world

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anywhere at

every

Correct determiner usage

any

show examples

time. So that your smartphone could be the most powerful invention. Taking everything into account,

although

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there are some disadvantages which relate to the addictiveness, the pros of these phones can outweigh these negative sites.

Hence

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this

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writer has illustrated the pros and cons of owning mobile gadgets.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Jan 08 2024

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Task Achievement

While your main ideas are generally relevant, they could be developed further. In your essay, each paragraph should ideally present one clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea in depth. For task achievement, ensure that you are also addressing all parts of the task and providing a clear answer throughout the essay, including the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure is fairly logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance readability. Coherence is achieved not only through a logical sequence but also the use of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases. Consider revising to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs to make the text more cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

346 words

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In today's world ,amy people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone ouweigh the disadantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you a agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, we are surround by advertising in our daily lives. Some people believe this has a positive effect on society. Others, however, say that it is a negative development. Discuss with both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the goverment should provide free education at every level. However, some say individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.