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Band 4

in today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages ?

#world #people #smartphone
In today's digital age, a variety of citizens have a private
smartphone
.
This
 writer
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that because of the convenience of contact with other
people
 and searching for
information
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it can be easy to get addicted. It must be recognised that with a small
smartphone
, you can contact
with
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apply
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everyone from everywhere.
Scientist
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Scientists
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 nowadays invent many tools to help
people
 with calling or chatting with others,
such
 as telecommunication networks and the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. It is becoming easier to communicate abroad by
a
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphone
.
Also
 having a private
smartphone
 can help
people
 call the required for help when they have an urgent problem. Take America
for example
, every year they dispose
more
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of more
show examples
 than 1000 emergencies from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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calling by
smartphone
.
Moreover
,
people
 can search for anything
from
Change preposition
on
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 the internet with a
smartphone
.
Information
were
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 updated day by day by the citizen or company in many views, with the support from AI technology
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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data become more and more detailed and reliable .There are many services that help the user to search the
information
 like Google or
chat
Capitalize word
Chat
show examples
 GPT, they can get the answer to many types of questions in just 4 or 5 seconds.
By contrast
, using smartphones has a huge problem for users
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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addiction. Because of the convenience and
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
, there are more
people
 addicted to that, they are immersed in the virtual world created by their own human beings.
This
 thing includes the amount of other different problems
such
 as murder, moral degradation and economic downturn. In conclusion, even though using a
smartphone
 can make
people
 addicted, it
also
 has benefits like easy searching for
information
 or contacting other
people
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both clear and effectively paraphrase the essay question, presenting your opinion unambiguously. Your introduction requires a distinct thesis statement, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical structure throughout your essay by grouping similar ideas in the same paragraph and using cohesive devices appropriately. Work on clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each idea relates smoothly to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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