IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the provision of healthcare is the responsibility of the state, while others believe the individual to be responsible for the costs of their own healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these perspectives?

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It is argued that the
government
Use synonyms
 should bear the medical expenses of its citizens,
while
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 others believe that the individuals are themselves responsible for covering the costs,
However
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, I strongly believe that it is the state's duty to provide medical care to
people
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 free of charge. It is a basic fundamental right of
people
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 to receive state-funded medical facilities,
therefore
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 it is essential for authorities to provide quality health coverage regardless of an individual's status, gender and financial status.
For instance
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, the
government
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 of Canada made medical care for all of its nation free of cost,
this
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 led to an increase in the life expectancy of
people
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 and they have great approval for their
government
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 services
overall
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.
Furthermore
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, I believe the
government
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 has a vast collection of taxes which makes it capable of easily funding the health infrastructure. Medical care is a costly expense, and not everyone is in a position to pay for it. In third-world countries, many
people
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 live below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line, and it is nearly impossible for them to afford
this
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 ordeal.
This
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further
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 elevates moral authority to provide quality and accessible healthcare services, especially to the lower classes of the population,
for example
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, A minor heat surgery costs nearly 1000 dollars in India, and an Indian citizen who bearly makes 200 dollars a month, simply cannot afford it. The easily attainable medical facilities are essential for improving
people
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's health and standards of living.
To conclude
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, I again reiterate that the
government
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 should be responsible for covering medical expenses since it is a fundamental right and beneficial for poor
people
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay remains focused on the main topic throughout and addresses both perspectives. To achieve an even higher score, include a bit more discussion on the viewpoint that individuals should be responsible for their own healthcare costs, providing a more balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs and within your arguments. For example, instead of using 'furthermore' and 'for instance' repeatedly, you can use words like 'additionally,' 'moreover,' or 'to illustrate.'
task achievement
Support your main points with a few more detailed examples and statistics. While your examples regarding Canada and India are strong, adding one or two additional examples would provide further depth to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction that effectively states your viewpoint, which sets up the arguments well for the reader.
supported main points
You used relevant and specific examples (Canada and India) to support your argument, enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of your points.
logical structure
Your essay has a strong logical structure, progressing smoothly from the introduction to the body paragraphs and finally to the conclusion.
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