In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone #advantage

Nowadays, many individuals possess their own

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

This

author argues that the benefits of owning a

smartphone

outweigh its drawbacks. It must be recognised that with a

smartphone

, you can connect and contact

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

everyone from

everywhere

Correct your spelling

anywhere

show examples

and anytime. Nowadays, there are many tools to help

people

calling

Change the verb form

call

show examples

chatting

Wrong verb form

chat

show examples

with others

such

as telecommunication networks and the Internet. It is becoming easier to communicate abroad by

smartphone

For example

, citizens in many countries had to stay at home during the Covid-19. With the help of digital devices like smartphones,

people

can talk to their friends and family, share their stories and comfort everyone going through the pandemic.

Moreover

, owning a mobile phone

is help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

you entertain.

Its

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

show examples

users a various type of entertainment including games, movies and music.

This

will help

people

relieve their stress and feel comfortable after work and study during the long day.

For instance

, in the UK, teenagers pretend to play games

Change preposition

on console

show examples

console

Fix the agreement mistake

consoles

show examples

and watch movies with their

phonesin

Correct your spelling

phones in

order to relax and comfort themselves.

However

, some communities say that possessing a

smartphone

contains a lot of disadvantages. They argue that

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

make

people

become addicted and refuse work and study.

This

may be true, but citizens must discipline themselves and don't blame the phone.

Consequently

, mobile phones

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are

show examples

the best resources for everyone to study and work.

To sum up

, the advantages of communication and entertainment far outweigh the

addicted

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addiction

show examples

issues.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

You have presented an introduction and conclusion which attempts to address the prompt, however, both could be more effectively summarised. Additionally, cohesion within paragraphs could be enhanced by more carefully linking your ideas and examples.

task achievement

Your essay responds to the task, but the main points could be better developed, and the ideas would benefit from being expanded with more targeted examples relevant to the question. Strive for a more consistent response that provides clear, comprehensive ideas throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

238 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Popular events like football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?