IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
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The increasing number of highly qualified
graduates
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 without work is a significant concern in many countries today.
This
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 issue can primarily be attributed to limited
job
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opportunities
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 and the
lack
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 of soft
skills
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 among
graduates
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. I believe both the government and academic institutions have crucial roles to play in addressing
this
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 problem. Even though many universities produce highly qualified
graduates
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, the
job
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 market has not expanded proportionately. The number of
graduates
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 often exceeds the available
job
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opportunities
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, leading to high
unemployment
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 rates even among those with advanced qualifications. To address
this
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, governments should implement policies that create more
job
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opportunities
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.
For example
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, they can encourage entrepreneurship by providing courses and capital for self-employment, enabling more people to start their businesses and create new jobs.
Additionally
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, another significant factor contributing to graduate
unemployment
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 is the
lack
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 of soft
skills
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. Many
graduates
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 possess the necessary technical knowledge but
lack
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 essential soft
skills
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such
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 as communication, teamwork, and problem-solving.
For instance
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, effective communication
skills
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 are vital in the workplace for interacting with colleagues and superiors and for delivering presentations. To tackle
this
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, universities should revise their curricula to include training in these essential soft
skills
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. By doing so, they will produce well-rounded
graduates
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 who not only have the technical expertise but
also
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 the practical
skills
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 needed to thrive in a professional environment. In conclusion, the
unemployment
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 of highly qualified
graduates
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 is primarily
due to
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 the scarcity of
job
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opportunities
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 and a
lack
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 of essential soft
skills
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. The government can help by creating more
job
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opportunities
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 through entrepreneurship policies,
while
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 universities can enhance their curricula to include soft
skills
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 training. By addressing these issues, we can ensure that
graduates
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 are better prepared for the
job
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 market and reduce the rates of
unemployment
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 among highly qualified individuals.
Submitted by hodahashemi75 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples for both points discussed. Concrete examples can make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Further improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of your essay. Although the logical structure is strong overall, smoother transitions can make it better.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the issue and outlines the main points of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and suggests solutions.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured, and each paragraph deals with a specific aspect of the problem.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are clear and comprehensive, making it easy to understand the writer's viewpoint.
supported main points
The main points are supported well, though more specific examples could further strengthen them.
complete response
The essay addresses the task prompt fully, covering both causes of the issue and potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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