IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Overpopulation in most developing countries in Asia and Africa is a problem. If these countries do not try to control the population immediately, they will face serious problems. What are your suggestions to control the population in such countries?

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Countries in Asia and Africa are facing overpopulation, and
thus
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, will come across serious consequences if those nations do not take
actions
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action
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 straight away. Personally, some of my suggestions in order to solve the mentioned issue are initiated by the cooperation between both the governments and citizens, and
also
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, promoting necessary information into education for individuals. On the
one
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 hand, the reason to account for why overpopulation is more common in African and Asian countries stems from the fact that in some areas, particularly rural or not yet developed ones, numerous inhabitants are not properly educated or informed about family planning.
Hence
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, it results in high rates of the population. Unfortunately, actions, if not taken in time, can lead to the suffering of
one
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 state.
For instance
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, overpopulation obstructs people from easily getting an occupation
due to
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 the competitiveness of the job market,
subsequently
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 causing unemployment to grow. Another example is when residents encounter sky-rocketed prices regarding accommodation searching like in China. These difficulties, in fact, could decelerate many thriving aspects of a nation’s economy.
On the other hand
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, it is not entirely hopeless when thinking about a solution. Governments are definitely in charge of spreading widely the essential knowledge related to harm and preventative approaches to having too many children in
one
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 household. Especially, to youngsters who tend not to be self-regulatory or easily tempted. It could be via social media so that various individuals from different regions are reached.
In addition
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,
this
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 phenomenon requires responsibilities and engagement from both parties. If solely
one
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 is tackling the problem, yet the other side is not involved,
then
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 it would be meaningless if the methods were taken. In conclusion, dealing with
such
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 a significant problem always necessitates both sides to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 each’s role seriously.
Hence
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, with those basic solutions given above, and efforts from governments and citizens, specifically, the matter will
then
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 gain a more uplifted opportunity in alleviating drawbacks that people have to deal with.

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help to illustrate the points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although the structure is logical, further clarity can enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear start and finish.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mostly well supported and the logical structure allows for easy understanding of the argument flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task with focused suggestions and identification of issues related to overpopulation.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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