IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to become successful in life is to get university education, while others disagree and think that nowadays is no longer true. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #life #university #education
In recent years, whether
people
 should get access to
university
 to become successful has been a matter of debate. When supporters suppose
people
 ought to receive higher education in contemporary society. Opponents reckon that they could engage in other fields
instead
.
This
 essay will compare and contrast its benefits and downsides. On the one hand, studying at
university
 could acquire specialized knowledge and theoretical knowledge and master practical skills.
This
 could lay a solid foundation for future careers.
Besides
, different courses
also
 teach students how to think from different perspectives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and analyze and solve problems. One example is that if a student hopes that he gets some achievement in the field of physics, he will learn theories and do many experiments thanks to advanced labs and professional tutors in universities.
On the other hand
, some
people
 hold the opinion that having opportunities to study at
university
 is not a necessary condition to achieve success.
For instance
, a little part of
people
 who have beautiful appearances, are more likely to become actors or influencers. These
people
 always believe that having more practical skills and experience will be successful.
Therefore
, in order to achieve success,
people
 should accumulate job-related experiences and personal resources. In my opinion, when
people
 successfully enter the
university
, they are usually required to make a speech, presentation or even a dissertation
at the end
 of every term.
This
 has to face heaps of
people
, which means that it could boost their confidence and strengthen their communication skills.
Moreover
, these experiences are the precondition
Change preposition
to
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being successful. In conclusion, there are some
people
 who drop out of
university
 and do very well.
However
,
this
 is a minority of cases. Many successful entrepreneurs indicate that their achievements have a direct link to higher education. To achieve success have many paths, and one of the most important is to receive a formal education first.
Submitted by 马修827728 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer logical structure. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences and ideas should be more clearly linked together.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are more clearly stated, directly addressing the essay's topic and your personal stance.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support all the main points you discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task, including a more balanced discussion on both views and a clearer personal opinion.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and the comprehensive development of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a singular focus that relates directly back to the essay question.
task achievement
Use a wider range of relevant specific examples to add depth to your arguments and to demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university degree
  • specialized knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • networking opportunities
  • vocational training
  • self-made entrepreneurs
  • gig economy
  • online courses
  • certifications
  • formal education
  • practical experience
  • lifelong learning
  • career goals
  • individual circumstances
  • academic qualifications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: