In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

People
in some
countries
are overweight and their levels of health and fitness are lower than average. In my opinion,
this
is because
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
needs more cost and the
government
should take a role to control it. Some
people
think that a healthy
life
means they have to spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
changing habits as well. Healthy lifestyle
startsed
Correct your spelling
starts
started
with the consumption of good food and exercise which in some
countries
can be more expensive.
People
believe that it is because there are not many restaurants that provide healthy menus and options for gym are limited.
However
, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
there are still
people
who are not aware enough of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
. Probably, they think that getting a healthy lifestyle is not mandatory, and they are more focused on their daily schedule
such
as studying hard to get a high score and getting a higher position at work. The solution that I believe would be efficient is if the
government
takes a role to solve them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because sometimes the role of the authority is more powerful for the changes. They can offer easy permissions or
compliment
Fix the agreement mistake
compliments
show examples
to the restaurants which serve a healthy menu. The
government
also
can provide some fitness areas which are free for the public. In the same way, to educate
people
is
also
important.
For example
, the
government
, especially The Ministry of Health of
Republic
Correct article usage
the Republic
show examples
of Indonesia, should be active
to promote
Change preposition
in promoting
show examples
a healthy
life
to the public, which can increase the awareness of
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changing their habits
healthier
Change preposition
to healthier
show examples
. In conclusion, spending more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
a healthy
life
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
problem in some
countries
and the
government
should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
to increase
Change preposition
in increasing
show examples
their levels of health.
Submitted by femyparinussa on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction effectively paraphrases the prompt and presents a clear thesis statement outlining the essay's direction.
Task Achievement
Ideas need to be developed more fully with clearer topic sentences outlining the main idea for each paragraph.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and demonstrate an understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your essay in a more logical and organized manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and definitively states your stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy, e.g., 'starts' should be 'starts' and 'are more focused' should be 'is more focused'.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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