IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many claim that tha fast food industry has a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Over recent decades, many countries have been trying to expand the fast food industry.
While
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 there are many advantages to having prepared meals I believe that there are many disadvantages. So in
this
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 essay, I will explain both views. On the one hand, there are those who subscribe to the view that some advantages to investing money in the fast-cooking industry. They argue that nowadays many people especially women are working out of their houses and
this
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 is because the cost of standard living all around the world has increased dramatically.
For example
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, children's education fees, treatment costs, and transportation fees. Meanwhile, all members of a family have to work full time or have a permanent job so they do not have enough time for cooking which means consuming fast foodstuff at home or preparing meals for children who have snacks at school.
On the other hand
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, many commentators believe that there are some drawbacks to using fast meals. They argue that not only have bad effects on physical health but
also
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 there are majority causes to our surroundings like parks, the environment, and the atmosphere. It is
also
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 believed that communities are faced with a lot of heart problems and the industry of oil leads to these troubles and obesity in young people who insist on eating fast snacks with their friends.
In addition
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, packaging foods have some materials like plastic or paper for a package
that is
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 unhealthy for the environment. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some merits and drawbacks, I personally believe that the disadvantages are far more. We are able to have precise planning for our lives so surely family will be able to healthy cooking.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed throughout. Use a range of linking words effectively to create better flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, ensuring that your thesis statement in the introduction outlines your main arguments, and your conclusion succinctly restates them and your overall viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
To support your main points more effectively, provide concrete examples and explain how they illustrate your argument. Be specific rather than general to strengthen your case.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task question. Stick closely to the task by providing a balanced discussion that weighs both sides of the argument and offer a reasoned conclusion that clearly communicates where you stand on the issue.
task achievement
Work on introducing clear and comprehensive ideas in each paragraph. Avoid general statements and focus on developing each point fully with explanations and evidence where appropriate.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant examples to substantiate your arguments better. Your examples should be directly linked to your main points and effectively illustrate the impact you're discussing.
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