New technology has changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the merits and demerits of
children
spending their free time
on different technology
tools. On the one hand, one key benefit is that children
have Correct article usage
the privilage
privilage
to learn new things anytime they want. Correct your spelling
privilege
However
, a significant drawback is its terrible effect on their social life
.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that new technology
has opened the door to various sources of knowledge to
kids outside the school environment. Change preposition
for
For example
, many children
in the UK have successfully skipped and progressed to higher classes, simply because they have learned through Youtube many information that is
higher compared to their classmates. For
this
reason, it is evident that,
Remove the comma
apply
technology
has facilitated integrative learning experience
for kids during their free Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
time
through which they can invest in themselves not only during the
school Correct article usage
apply
time
. What is more, it helps improving
Wrong verb form
improve
problem-solving
skills of Correct article usage
the problem-solving
children
, clearly because they play puzzle games that efficiently trigger their mentality and booste
their thinking. Correct your spelling
boost
boosted
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if technology
did not exist, children
would have been limited only to the
school learning .
Correct article usage
apply
Nonetheless
, it must be stated that children
who showed
excessive phone usage lack the appreciation of social relationships and Wrong verb form
show
the
quality Correct article usage
apply
time
with their family. For instance
, in 2010, many british
Change the capitalization
British
children
started developing severe depression and anhedonia at early
age, Add an article
an early
due to
the emptiness they had felt even when they were surronded
by people. Correct your spelling
surrounded
Therefore
, it is clear that
their addictive behaviour toward technology
has negatively impacted their social skills and priorities in life
. Furthermore
, children
are exposed to several dangers such
as being manipulated by bad people, who can considerably distort their behaviours and waste their future. With this
in mind, there is no doubt that if children
abusively use the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
, this
would expose them to higher risks and waste their life
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
To conclude
, while
some may feel that technology
has helped students improving
their knowledge and learning process, others, myself included, hold the view that doing Wrong verb form
improve
could
possibly ruin their entire Rephrase
so could
life
and expose them to different risks.
From my perspective, the pros do not weigh the cons, it is important to realize that Fix the agreement mistake
lives
children
are still naive and cannot destinguish
between what is right and wrong Correct your spelling
distinguish
while
using technology
.Submitted by ototonji.ot on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the logical structure of your essay follows a clear and consistent pattern throughout. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should support that idea. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, they could be more effectively articulated to set the scene and summarise the arguments in a more impactful manner.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with a range of examples. While some examples are given, integrating a broader and more specific range would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the task, but at times it lacks a clear focus on the question and may benefit from more direct comparisons and contrasts between the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Ensure that you address both sides of the argument equally to fully meet the task requirements.
task achievement
Ideas are presented in your essay; however, strive for more clarity and depth in exploring these ideas. Expanding on your points will show a better understanding of the topic and convey a comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
While relevant, the examples used in your essay should be more specific and varied to illustrate your points convincingly. Avoid generalisations and aim to cite concrete evidence or studies to back up your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example