New technology has changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the merits and demerits of

children

Use synonyms

spending their free

time

Use synonyms

on different

technology

Use synonyms

tools. On the one hand, one key benefit is that

children

Use synonyms

have

Correct article usage

the privilage

show examples

privilage

Correct your spelling

privilege

to learn new things anytime they want.

However

Linking Words

, a significant drawback is its terrible effect on their social

life

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

, there is an argument to be made that new

technology

Use synonyms

has opened the door to various sources of knowledge

Change preposition

for

show examples

kids outside the school environment.

For example

Linking Words

, many

children

Use synonyms

in the UK have successfully skipped and progressed to higher classes, simply because they have learned through Youtube many information

that is

Linking Words

higher compared to their classmates.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, it is evident that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

technology

Use synonyms

has facilitated integrative learning

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

for kids during their free

time

Use synonyms

through which they can invest in themselves not only during

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school

time

Use synonyms

. What is more, it helps

improving

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

problem-solving

Correct article usage

the problem-solving

show examples

skills of

children

Use synonyms

, clearly because they play puzzle games that efficiently trigger their mentality and

booste

Correct your spelling

boost

boosted

their thinking.

This

Linking Words

being the case, it can be assumed that if

technology

Use synonyms

did not exist,

children

Use synonyms

would have been limited only to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school learning .

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, it must be stated that

children

Use synonyms

who

showed

Wrong verb form

show

show examples

excessive phone usage lack the appreciation of social relationships and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality

time

Use synonyms

with their family.

For instance

Linking Words

, in 2010, many

british

Change the capitalization

British

show examples

children

Use synonyms

started developing severe depression and anhedonia at

early

Add an article

an early

show examples

age,

due to

Linking Words

the emptiness they had felt even when they were

surronded

Correct your spelling

surrounded

by people.

Therefore

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

their addictive behaviour toward

technology

Use synonyms

has negatively impacted their social skills and priorities in

life

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

are exposed to several dangers

such

Linking Words

as being manipulated by bad people, who can considerably distort their behaviours and waste their future. With

this

Linking Words

in mind, there is no doubt that if

children

Use synonyms

abusively use

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

would expose them to higher risks and waste their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

some may feel that

technology

Use synonyms

has helped students

improving

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

their knowledge and learning process, others, myself included, hold the view that doing

could

Rephrase

so could

show examples

possibly ruin their entire

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and expose them to different risks. From my perspective, the pros do not weigh the cons, it is important to realize that

children

Use synonyms

are still naive and cannot

destinguish

Correct your spelling

distinguish

between what is right and wrong

while

Linking Words

using

technology

Use synonyms

ototonji.otMon Jan 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure the logical structure of your essay follows a clear and consistent pattern throughout. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and subsequent sentences should support that idea. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved to enhance the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, they could be more effectively articulated to set the scene and summarise the arguments in a more impactful manner.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with a range of examples. While some examples are given, integrating a broader and more specific range would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

task achievement

Your essay responds to the task, but at times it lacks a clear focus on the question and may benefit from more direct comparisons and contrasts between the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Ensure that you address both sides of the argument equally to fully meet the task requirements.

task achievement

Ideas are presented in your essay; however, strive for more clarity and depth in exploring these ideas. Expanding on your points will show a better understanding of the topic and convey a comprehensive analysis.

task achievement

While relevant, the examples used in your essay should be more specific and varied to illustrate your points convincingly. Avoid generalisations and aim to cite concrete evidence or studies to back up your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

394 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
You have just read an article in an international travel magazine which contained some information about your town that is incorrect. Write a letter to the editor if the magazine, in your letter •Correct the information in the article. •Explain why it is important for the magazine to give correct information •Suggest what the magazine should do about this situation.
I am writing this to report about information which has been printed incorrectly in the latest edition of the travel magazine The World All About Knowledge.
7
band
Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals believe that must aim to teach students how to become nice citizens and workforces rather than improve them as human beings. I completely disagree with this statement and I will explain my position by analyzing how helping children as individuals will impact the community furthermore how disrespectful could be otherwise.
7.5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Recently the population of youth have been increased in some countries in comparison with the old people. In my opinion, the positive parts of this outweigh the negative ones for many reasons.
9
band
If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that if all employees in a firm were paid the same salary despite their work responsibilities, workplace harmony and team collaboration would increase compared to the current pay structure. I firmly disagree with this argument because it may lead to disappointments in the workplace and would provide unfair wages for higher-level positions.
7.5
band
165.Some parents say that children should play individually more than in a group. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and include your own opinion.
Childhood is definitely the best part of one's life, and children have their imaginations. Different kids have contrasting personalities, so a few enjoy being in the company of many kids, while others love solitude. A fraction of parents prefer that their offspring should stay and relish alone. There are various benefits and drawbacks to this mindset. I will discuss both and then will eventually give my opinion.

New technology has changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, instead of benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

165.Some parents say that children should play individually more than in a group. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and include your own opinion.