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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we aren't prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have different views about the influences of artificial
intelligence
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 on our
lives
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 in the upcoming years whether it would be positive or negative.
While
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 artificial
intelligence
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 can affect our
lives
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 negatively in the long term, I believe that it would bring far more advantages to our
lives
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. On the one hand, machines would offer us numerous benefits and would make our
lives
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 far more easier.
To begin
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 with, AI can help us improve our performances in health care by precise and quick diagnosis and surgery. They may provide the possibility of remote treatment so the rate of fatality would decrease, and life expectancy would increase.
Furthermore
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, AI can do many tasks better and faster than
humans
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such
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 as calculating precisely,
accumulating
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and accumulating
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 data from different digital sources, and they have the ability to be multitaskers.
Therefore
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, staff can save more time and focus on those jobs which need creativity and AI isn't able to do.
As a result
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, the quality of our
lives
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 will
enhance
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be enhanced
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.
On the other hand
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, many people worry about the detrimental impacts of these smart machines on
humans
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'
lives
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.
Firstly
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, artificial
intelligence
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 would cause increasing unemployment
due to
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 they are faster and cheaper than
humans
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 and they can finish a myriad of tasks in a short time with a minor likelihood of errors so companies prefer to use them as alternatives to
humans
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.
For instance
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, when cars can drive themselves the demand for drivers would reduce.
Thus
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, by undertaking our responsibilities in workplaces many individuals lose their careers and they may end up frustrated and depressed. Another main concern is that they would become smarter than
humans
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 they can make their own decisions.
Thus
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, robots would dominate human beings, exploit us, and lead us to our doom in the long-term future. In conclusion, in my opinion, artificial
intelligence
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 has been sharpening the quality of our
lives
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 and
serve
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serves
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to
Change preposition
apply
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humans
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while
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 there are some predicts about their detrimental effects on
people'
Change noun form
people
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s
Correct your spelling
's
lives
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.

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Task Achievement
Develop your main points more evenly; while the benefits of AI are elaborated, the drawbacks could be more fully explained with additional details and examples.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain balance in discussing both views; make sure both sides of the argument are addressed with equal depth.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Real-world examples would make your position stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clear, which is good. Make sure to restate your main argument in the conclusion for greater impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas to improve the essay's flow. Linking words are used, but some ideas seem to be introduced abruptly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs have a clear central topic, however, coherence within each paragraph can be improved. Ensure each sentence contributes to the argument being made in the paragraph.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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