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Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universitis in foreign countries. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #study #colleges #universitis #countries
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In recent years, many adolescents or youngsters have applied to
study
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 overseas for a few decades.
This
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 trend tends to promote opportunities for students to pursue
further
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 careers and achieve a better job. The following paragraph will discuss the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and conclude the topic. First and foremost, the pros of
development
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 are learning
English
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 sufficiently from different nations and promoting better jobs. If you
study
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 overseas, you can explore a wide range of methods for using
English
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 well prepare for the workplace.
For instance
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, recent surveys indicated that many heads of companies have preferred to hire workers, who studied overseas and serviced foreign clients as well because they could speak
English
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 fluently.
English
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 is a common language all around the world so if workers can communicate with foreigners effectively, they are more likely to acquire jobs easily rather than locals.
Therefore
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, studying overseas can encourage people to achieve a better job more significantly.
On the other hand
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, the cons of
development
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 are that adolescents are homesick currently. To illustrate, some psychologists claim that more and more students opt for other nations to
study
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,
this
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 leads to a large number of students becoming homesick currently as staying alone.
Thus
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,
this
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 is more likely to be homesick when you
study
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 overseas and stay lonely. In conclusion, based on the statements above, the benefits of studying other countries are speaking
English
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 more fluently and gaining a better job.
However
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, the drawback of
this
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 is becoming
homsick
Correct your spelling
homesick
 currently. For these reasons, the advantages of
development
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 outweigh the disadvantages of
development
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.
Submitted by jimmy.wong.wp on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some degree of organization with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion addressing the task. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and directly supports it with relevant examples. Connection between ideas needs to be enhanced. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively and vary sentence types to aid the reader in following the argument.
Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad and attempts to conclude on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, it fails to fully develop a clear and comprehensive argument. Ensure all aspects of the task are covered by explaining and expanding on each point made, providing specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid general statements and make sure to directly address the question posed in the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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