Some parents prefer to stay in care homes after their retirement instead of staying with their children. Why is this happening? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#parents #care #homes #retirement #children #development

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These days, the majority of

parents

Use synonyms

decide to stay in

care

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homes

Use synonyms

after their retirement rather than staying with their

children

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. The reason why

this

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happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

is because of their own thoughts. Because of

this

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, there are some benefits and drawbacks

from

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show examples

this

Linking Words

action.

To begin

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with, nowadays, retirement

parents

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usually have offspring that already

grew

Wrong verb form

grown

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, and as growing adults normally have their personal

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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and jobs. So, they do not want to make their

children

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become worried or busier than usual to take

care

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of them. Another reason is

Change preposition

that

show examples

care

Use synonyms

homes

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, there would be full of people who

have

Verb problem

are

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the same

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

as them which leads them to be more comfortable.

For instance

Linking Words

, research reveals that more than 50% of elderly people get lonely

Change preposition

show examples

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show examples

their age, and to overcome

this

Linking Words

, other studies suggest

Change the verb form

making

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to make

Wrong verb form

making

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friends who

similar

Add a missing verb

are similar

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in numbers

Change preposition

show examples

with

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show examples

them. That's why

parents

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prefer to stay in

care

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homes

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. The consequences of

this

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behavior are the positive impacts and negative impacts on

Correct article usage

the

show examples

relationship between

parents

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and

children

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. One of the advantages is

parents

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could be taken

care

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Change preposition

of by

show examples

the volunteers in

care

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homes

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anytime and everywhere without making the

children

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worries

Correct subject-verb agreement

worry

show examples

about them. There is

also

Linking Words

one disadvantage particularly less bonding towards them which makes an impact on

children

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. To illustrate it, a recent survey says that almost 70% of

children

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become not

Correct your spelling

too

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close to their

parents

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when they

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

not surrounded by them. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

parents

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have a reason to stay in

care

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homes

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such

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as for

comforts

Fix the agreement mistake

comfort

show examples

, it creates good and bad impacts on their relationships.

Submitted by ieltswriting91 on Tue Jan 09 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay partially addresses the task but lacks a thorough exploration of the reasons behind parents' preference for care homes and doesn't fully discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. Aim to address all parts of the prompt in your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay's logical structure needs improvement. Consider using paragraphs more effectively to separate your main points and improve readability. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be supported by clear examples or explanations.

Introduction & Conclusion

While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be stronger. Introduce the topic clearly, then summarize your main points and opinion in the conclusion. The conclusion should not introduce new information.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This will help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive. Avoid making general statements without backing them up.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Some parents prefer to stay in care homes after their retirement instead of staying with their children. Why is this happening? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

Difference between countries become less evident each year.Nowadays all the over world, people share the same fashions, advertising,brands,eating habits, Tv channels. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantage.

In some countries, there is not enough recycling of waste materials (e.g. paper, glass and cans). What are the reasons and solutions?

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages.