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Band 4.5

Some parents prefer to stay in care homes after their retirement instead of staying with their children. Why is this happening? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#parents #care #homes #retirement #children #development
These days, the majority of
parents
 decide to stay in
care
homes
 after their retirement rather than staying with their
children
. The reason why
this
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 is because of their own thoughts. Because of
this
, there are some benefits and drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 action.
To begin
 with, nowadays, retirement
parents
 usually have offspring that already
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
, and as growing adults normally have their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and jobs. So, they do not want to make their
children
 become worried or busier than usual to take
care
 of them. Another reason is
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
care
homes
, there would be full of people who
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 the same
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 as them which leads them to be more comfortable.
For instance
, research reveals that more than 50% of elderly people get lonely
Change preposition
at
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their age, and to overcome
this
, other studies suggest
Change the verb form
making
show examples
to make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 friends who
similar
Add a missing verb
are similar
show examples
 in numbers
Change preposition
to
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them. That's why
parents
 prefer to stay in
care
homes
. The consequences of
this
 behavior are the positive impacts and negative impacts on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 relationship between
parents
 and
children
. One of the advantages is
parents
 could be taken
care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 the volunteers in
care
homes
 anytime and everywhere without making the
children
worries
Correct subject-verb agreement
worry
show examples
 about them. There is
also
 one disadvantage particularly less bonding towards them which makes an impact on
children
. To illustrate it, a recent survey says that almost 70% of
children
 become not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 close to their
parents
 when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 not surrounded by them. In conclusion,
although
parents
 have a reason to stay in
care
homes
such
 as for
comforts
Fix the agreement mistake
comfort
show examples
, it creates good and bad impacts on their relationships.
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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task but lacks a thorough exploration of the reasons behind parents' preference for care homes and doesn't fully discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development. Aim to address all parts of the prompt in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay's logical structure needs improvement. Consider using paragraphs more effectively to separate your main points and improve readability. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be supported by clear examples or explanations.
Introduction & Conclusion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be stronger. Introduce the topic clearly, then summarize your main points and opinion in the conclusion. The conclusion should not introduce new information.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This will help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive. Avoid making general statements without backing them up.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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