IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #development #values #phenomenon
It has been an enigmatic quandary as to whether economic
development
 brings beneficial effects to society.
However
, it is explicit that environmental
devastation
, a disadvantage, outweighs technological advancements, an advantage, through economic
development
. The scope and breadth of environmental
devastation
 and technological advancement precisely illustrate my point of view.
To begin
 with, technological advancement clearly demonstrates the matter pertaining to
this
 theme. In modern society, economic advancement has resulted in positive aspects in numerous countries. Economic
development
 typically leads to better access to healthcare and education.
For example
, most hospitals now use AI technology to perform surgery efficiently.
However
, given that
development
 often comes at the cost of the environment, I believe there is
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 risk in excessive
development
 despite technological advancements. Environmental
devastation
 indubitably explains the issue at hand. Industrialization and urbanization can lead to pollution, loss of biodiversity, and climate change, affecting both current and future generations.
This
 environmental
devastation
 clearly overshadows the advantage of technological progress.
For example
, the government built a nuclear power plant to make energy more efficient.
However
,
this
 resulted in a massive amount of radioactive water. Recently,
for example
, Japan released radioactive water into the ocean because the treatment cost was too expensive. At first glance, it is not easy to judge whether there are more advantages than disadvantages, but as shown in the case of environmental
devastation
, the disadvantages clearly surpass the advantages of improving the standard of living.
Submitted by kopopig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both technological advancements and environmental devastation as they relate to economic development. However, the analysis could be further strengthened by providing more detailed comparisons and counterarguments to illustrate the points more effectively.
language
Work on diversifying vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the writing. Consider using synonyms and varied sentence structures to improve readability and engagement.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows well and is logically structured, some ideas could be more clearly linked with transitional phrases. This will help enhance the coherence and ensure a smoother progression of ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the essay and outlines the main points to be discussed.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples are provided to support the argument, such as the use of AI technology in hospitals and the release of radioactive water by Japan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-organized structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
What to do next:
Look at other essays: