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Band 5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

#life #development
Nowadays, our daily lives are filled with
commercials
, there are more advertisements
appear
Wrong verb form
appearing
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 on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 programs, they are on the side of vehicles, on the walls of buildings and even
play
Wrong verb form
played
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 regularly before
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 videos. Personally, I firmly believe excessive advertising
would have
Wrong verb form
has
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 a negative impact on our society, the following content will outline the reasons. The colourful and attractive
commercials
 could become a potential security issue.
While
 driving on the roads, drivers can see plenty of them which are printed on the sides of the vehicles
such
 as buses,
taxi
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taxis
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 and trucks.
This
 might be a risky condition,
for example
, drivers could easily be distracted by them when passing
a
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an
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 intersection or making
an
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a
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U turn
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U-turn
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.
As a result
, traffic accidents might occur. In my opinion, in order to maintain
the
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apply
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road safety, the government should decrease the distractions which might possibly lead to accidents.
On the other hand
, excessive advertising could
also
 distract
people
 from crucial information or events. Generally, the content of
commercials
 includes promoting products, streaming series or popular movies.
While
this
 information potentially makes
people
 switch to entertaining or shopping channels,
less
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fewer
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people
 will focus on
the
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apply
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undergoing political events, newly
lauched
Correct your spelling
launched
 policies and some international news.
For instance
, the
annually
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annual
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 election in Taiwan will mainly be affected by the enormous amount of
commercials
 which distract public attention
on
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from
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 politics. In conclusion, the distracting content of the excessive advertising could potentially contributes to road safety issue and loss public attention on politics. Personally, I think advertising should be limited for
people
 to focus on something which is more vital.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement early on, to guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Instead of an overly general introduction, provide a direct response to the essay question.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully developed and support your overall argument well.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph to aid in logical structure and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
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