IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that we sould replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sould #buildings #houses #cities
One school of thought holds that the old
buildings
as well as
 the accommodations should be replaced with modern ones,
while
 others believe that the local authorities should protect those outdated
buildings
.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
 tendency before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion. On the one hand, keeping old construction could be advantageous to a certain extent.
Firstly
, schools could use
this
 establishment to teach their children about the history of
this
 country. To be more specific, these kinds of ancient facilities could bring history to life, giving students immersed ways of learning that are easy to approach.
Secondly
, these old
buildings
 could attract more tourists to the areas they belong to.
This
 is because it could draw the attention of visitors who are fond of history and want to gain more knowledge of the indigenous practices of the locality in that nation. Thanks to those places,
this
 country could attract more foreign visitors, which could directly enhance the economy in
this
 area.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the aforementioned benefits pale in comparison with their drawbacks. One key rationale in favour of
this
 view is that it could be a financial burden for the government to maintain these structures.
This
 enormous cost incurred to preserve old
buildings
 and houses could put a strain on the government's coffers, thereby leading to tax hikes, tax deficits, or even reduced social welfare.
As a result
, ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, would even struggle more to make ends meet. Another justification is that these constructions could occupy a piece of vacant land. Consequentially, there is not enough space for different industries and factories, or even space for building a new residential area for the inhabitants, leading to a land price crisis and people with low salaries not having a place to live. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that keeping old
buildings
 and accommodations could have some upsides, the downsides that it offers are more significantly noteworthy.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Ensure to develop each point thoroughly. Some points in your essay could benefit from more detailed explanations or examples to fully justify your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating seamless transitions between points to make the essay flow even more effortlessly. You could use linking phrases to connect paragraphs and ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining the logical flow of the argument.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and well-supported with examples. This strengthens your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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