Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measure should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

#childhood #obesity #years #measure

Obesity can be the root of other diseases

such

as diabetes and heart attack. It is vital to maintain

children

’s fitness to prevent them from becoming obese. In

this

essay,

firstly

, I will elaborate on the major causes of

children

’s obesity, and

then

delve through the potential solutions. Examining the potential issues, nowadays, there is a variety of fast food restaurants that provide high-calorie dishes

such

as burgers, fried chicken, and pizzas.

Additionally

, there is a decrease in the number of youngsters spending their time on physical activities compared to 20 years ago. These

children

prefer to spend their time participating in online games rather than doing exercises.

Moreover

parents

also

contribute to hampering these issues, it is because there is a dwindling trend of

parents

preparing healthy foods for their

children

. These

parents

prefer to give daily pocket money for

children

to buy food and beverages in their schools’ canteen. There are several initiatives that can be done to lower

children

’s obesity cases.

Firstly

, the government can initiate a health food program in each school.

For instance

, the Indonesian government has initiated a program called Makan Siang Gratis,

This

program provides free lunch for elementary and junior high schools across Indonesia. The lunch packages are meticulously designed by considering their nutritional value.

Secondly

parents

also

can assign their

children

to an international school because

this

school usually has its own professional chefs and nutritionists. At its core, in solving these issues, a continuous collaboration between the government and

parents

is required.

Submitted by manapapuja2 on Sat Nov 02 2024

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task achievement

There should be more examples or evidence to support why parents give money instead of preparing meals at home, as it simply concludes with opinion rather than data.

coherence cohesion

Improve the transitions between paragraphs to allow your essay to flow more smoothly from point to point.

task achievement

The essay presents clear ideas for the causes and solutions to childhood obesity.

coherence cohesion

The introduction is strong and leads well into the body of the essay, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
screen time
dietary habits
fast food
sugary snacks
physical activity
nutrition
parental guidance
accessibility
genetic factors
environmental factors
recreational facilities
caloric intake
prevention programs
healthy eating habits

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Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measure should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

There are more and more older people who are looking for work and have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know that it is bad for them. Why is this the cause? What measures can effectively improve people’s unhealthy eating habits?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

me countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

More students decided to take a part-time job when they go into universities. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+