Some people think that the main purposes of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purposes #school #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals

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It is often said that the primary reason for educational institutions is to help young people become good workers and citizens rather than making use of them as people.

This

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writer contends that schools should encourage children to be better at all aspects because youngsters necessitate good education systems to mature perfectly and society

also

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requires good citizens and labourers. It is crucial to acknowledge that children are the most important members of civilization to gain the best education. In many nations around the world, government authorities formulate various procedures to foster education

such

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as lowering tuition fees and devising more scholarships.

Therefore

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, the world would emerge more superior individuals who bring a host of benefits for socially sustainable development. Denmark provides a pertinent example where juniors do not have to pay any fees for their studies, making

this

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country become a state of happiness.

Furthermore

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, the argument against benefiting schoolchildren hinges on the idea that civilization demands an increasing amount of workforce. On the grounds of industrialization, the requirement for people who are able to work is rising noticeably.

Consequently

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, schools should prioritize turning youngsters into good workers.

Hence

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, it is essential that transforming schoolchildren into good labourers is the top priority because of the current industrialization.

Thus

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, it can be seen that the most vital function of educational organizations is transforming students into great labourers because society needs more members in the labour force and children

also

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require inclusive curriculums.

As a result

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this

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function remains a superior benefit in the information age.

Submitted by [email protected] on Sat Jun 08 2024

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task achievement

To improve further, clarify the statement 'making use of them as people' as it is slightly unclear in this context. This will make your introduction more precise.

task achievement

Try to offer more broad-ranging examples to bolster your argument. While the Denmark example is effective, including additional examples from different countries or perspectives could enhance your argument further.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your conclusion does not introduce new ideas. The final sentence introduces the 'information age,' which wasn't specifically mentioned earlier.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, solid body paragraphs, and a coherent conclusion.

task achievement

Your use of the Denmark example is strong and relevant, demonstrating an understanding of real-world applications.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

socialize
instilling values
tolerance
respect
cooperation
good citizenship
workforce
skills
curriculum
civic knowledge
governmental processes
responsibilities of citizenship
personal development
creativity
individual talents
individual growth
self-confident
innovative thinkers
dual role
nurturing passions

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Some people think that the main purposes of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

"Today more and more people want things instanly (eg.: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?"

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause? And what are the solution