Some people think that the main purposes of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often said that the primary reason for educational institutions is to help young people become good workers and citizens rather than making use of them as people.
This
writer contends that schools should encourage children to be better at all aspects because youngsters necessitate good education systems to mature perfectly and society
also
requires good citizens and labourers. It is crucial to acknowledge that children are the most important members of civilization to gain the best education. In many nations around the world, government authorities formulate various procedures to foster education
such
as lowering tuition fees and devising more scholarships.
Therefore
, the world would emerge more superior individuals who bring a host of benefits for socially sustainable development. Denmark provides a pertinent example where juniors do not have to pay any fees for their studies, making
this
country become a state of happiness.
Furthermore
, the argument against benefiting schoolchildren hinges on the idea that civilization demands an increasing amount of workforce. On the grounds of industrialization, the requirement for people who are able to work is rising noticeably.
Consequently
, schools should prioritize turning youngsters into good workers.
Hence
, it is essential that transforming schoolchildren into good labourers is the top priority because of the current industrialization.
Thus
, it can be seen that the most vital function of educational organizations is transforming students into great labourers because society needs more members in the labour force and children
also
require inclusive curriculums.
As a result
,
this
function remains a superior benefit in the information age.
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task achievement
To improve further, clarify the statement 'making use of them as people' as it is slightly unclear in this context. This will make your introduction more precise.
task achievement
Try to offer more broad-ranging examples to bolster your argument. While the Denmark example is effective, including additional examples from different countries or perspectives could enhance your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion does not introduce new ideas. The final sentence introduces the 'information age,' which wasn't specifically mentioned earlier.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, solid body paragraphs, and a coherent conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of the Denmark example is strong and relevant, demonstrating an understanding of real-world applications.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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