Some people believe that violent films are bad for you and encourage people to be violent. Others argue that violence and films are unrelated because violence existed before films. Which of these opinions do you agree with, and to what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #films #violence

A few amount of humanity think that violent films have

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

you and encourage

people

to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

musician

Fix the agreement mistake

musicians

show examples

other side of these

people

say that they don't have any chain between each other because

violence

appeared before movies. I agree with

this

second statement. I think that a lot of

people

knew about

this

instrument from the

theaters

Change the spelling

theatres

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or orchestras films

existed

Correct pronoun usage

that existed

show examples

after

Change preposition

for

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a long time.

However

people

play the

violence

On the other hand

, when

people

see and hear the melody they

also

want to start playing. I cannot say that it is a bad opposite in my opinion. It is great when

people

try something new and improve their talents or skills. In my

life

Add a comma

life,

show examples

I met only one person who can play

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

violence

when I asked about her story how she thought and what the reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

her interest in

this

fantastic instrument

Add a missing verb

was.

show examples

She said that when she was a child she went to the "Naproster orchestra". It is the largest symphonic orchestra. They

play on

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

different instruments or guitar

violence

piano and more but the most beautiful in my

Change preposition

apply

show examples

her

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

opinion was the

violence

she felt so excited by

this

thing that she promised that she

became

Wrong verb form

would become

show examples

the most popular musician. Now, she plays approximately 11 years. I heard a couple of times it was great. I am very glad that my friend

find

Change the verb form

finds

show examples

yourself in music.

Submitted by ronadeclaro on Tue Jan 09 2024

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task achievement

It is crucial to respond to the topic with a clear stance and develop your argument thoroughly. You should also ensure that you directly address both views presented in the prompt. The essay provided does not align well with the given topic, and the content appears muddled.

coherence cohesion

A logical and clear structure is essential in your essay, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a specific main idea, supported by follow-up sentences that expand on that idea. Your essay needs improvement in structuring ideas coherently, and better transition words should be used to connect sentences and paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

236 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

You recently ate at a local restaurant with your family and want to write to the local newspaper to tell them About the restaurant What you ate Why you would / would not recommend this restaurant

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

Nowadays, International Tourism is one of the biggest industries in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.