In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?
In today’s digital age, the appearance of individuals possessing smartphones is becoming a recurring argument. In
this
essay, the writer assumes that the benefits of owning a mobile phone can boost one’s creativity and maintain relationships with acquaintances outweigh the drawbacks of exacerbating the user’s health.
Commencing with the biggest advantage of possessing a smartphone is that it has the function of providing vast information for users to develop their imagination. In other words
, mobile phones contain a wide range of accessible platforms with different information sources, which is an indispensable gadget for both studying and working purposes. Therefore
, its amenity can boost the user mindset for a wider range of creativity. From prior knowledge, the USA has utilized smartphone functionalities to promulgate regulations for the student to use in order to improve their study progress. The results were remarkable, studies indicated that the average university score admission has increased significantly.
Another point worth mentioning is that mobile phones can conveniently keep up with acquaintances. It must be recognized that people are currently maintaining their connections with their friends or family by using this
digital device, which contains a platform that allows individuals to conveniently sustain their relationships. As a result
, people can both maintain and widen their connections with society. In every social media platform, there are organizations that gather Internet users to make friends by using digital devices, which fosters a virtual society on the Internet.
Nevertheless
, a few assumed that possessing mobile phones can be life-threatening. In other words
, smartphones contain electric waves which are harmful to the internal health system such
as the heart or vessels. This
may be illegal, but many circumstances revealed that a mass number of users have died due to
the constant exposure to smartphones.
Consequently
, possessing a mobile phone is a huge advantage; however
, it can be a serious awareness condition. Taking all points into account, owning a smartphone can improve one’s imagination and maintain their relationships. However
, gaining this
gadget can be a life-threatening condition.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
The essay responds to the topic, but the task response could be improved by deeper exploration and more balanced coverage of both advantages and disadvantages of smartphone ownership.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt at logical structure, but the ideas could be organized more effectively. Paragraphs should each focus on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearer transitions and linking phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with examples that are directly related to the topic. The examples provided are a bit vague and not specific enough to support the argument effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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