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Band 4.5

In today's ửold many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a martphone outweigh the disadvantages

#ửold #people #smartphone #martphone
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In today's digital world, most
of
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apply
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people
 have their own mobile phone. Despite the concern about
smartphone
 addiction among young
people
, the benefits of owning a
smartphone
 outweigh the
the
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apply
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drawbacks. First of all, the main purpose of
people
 using mobile phones is communication.
Smartphones
 give us a virtual environment to chat with other
people
 anytime, anywhere. It will be convenient for someone who needs to offer their friends to do something.
Furthermore
,
smartphones
 will be useful for
people
 who live far from their homes and want to get in touch with their family,
relatives
Correct word choice
and relatives
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.
Secondly
,
smartphones
 can serve efficiently the entertainment needs of
people
. In recent
time
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times
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, more and more forms of entertainment have been created by many developers to meet the demands of mobile phone users. A lot of mobile games and films are made to serve
the
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apply
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smartphone
 users.
Moreover
, the film-making studios
are
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are also combined
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also
 combine with a lot of
basis
Change to a plural noun
bases
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 to expand the entertainment market on mobile phones. Some
people
 argue that using
smartphones
 too much
also
 has drawbacks. It is indeed that a lot of teenagers are addicted to mobile phones and they are ready to do anything to use
smartphones
. It makes them dependent on
smartphones
 too much.
Otherwise
, using a
smartphone
 too much can be harmful to your eyes, and it is the main reason for myopia in young
people
.
Smartphones
 are easy to become addicted if we do not control ourselves properly, but with effort, we can benefit from the convenience and the connection of the
smartphones
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coherence cohesion
There are some issues with coherence and cohesion in your essay. The essay lacks clear logical progression of ideas, and the paragraphs seem disjointed rather than seamlessly connected. Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices and to structure your essay in a manner that makes the argument easy to follow.
task achievement
While you presented both advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, your essay does not maintain a clear position throughout, leading to an incomplete task response. To improve, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your view and that you have a clear conclusion restating your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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