in todays world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages
Nowadays, all over the world, most
people
have a smartphone
. This
writer will provide the advantages and disadvantages about
Change preposition
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
smartphone
.
Having the phone contains a lot of different benefits in daily life Correct article usage
a smartphone
such
as communication, studying, chatting, ...etc. Due to
the development in technology, smartphone
help everything become increasingly easier. Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
Moreover
, people
can do everything in
Change preposition
at
every
time, even anywhere that we can do just by Correct determiner usage
any
a
phone. Take a school as Correct article usage
apply
example
, today, many universities Add an article
an example
begin
investing money Wrong verb form
have begun
on
a lot of technological equipment for Change preposition
in
student
to look for academic information Fix the agreement mistake
students
in
the Change preposition
on
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
Furthermore
, the majority of school
allow Fix the agreement mistake
schools
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
smartphone
in class to service Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
the
Change the word
their
study
.
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
Besides
, using smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
also
save
a lot of time for Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
people
do
many work or study. Thanks to the developed Fix the infinitive
to do
electric
, Replace the word
electricity
phone
is more and more state-of-the-art. Add an article
the phone
So
Rephrase
Thus
that
, it is very easy to control exercise in the factory, education, Correct determiner usage
apply
pay
by a Correct word choice
and pay
smartphone
.
On the other hands
, owing Fix the agreement mistake
hand
smartphone
will have Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
disadvantage
in future if we depend on Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
it
. Lead to the risk of Correct pronoun usage
them
Fix the agreement mistake
hackers
hacker
Fix the agreement mistake
hackers
can log
on Wrong verb form
logging
Change preposition
to the
the
system and Change preposition
to the
Wrong verb form
stealing
steal
Wrong verb form
stealing
Replace the word
private
privacy
information to gain Replace the word
private
Correct article usage
apply
a
money Correct article usage
apply
from
Change preposition
apply
that
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, factory’s
news can be Correct article usage
a factory’s
showed
if it is hacked.
Despite these disadvantages, I believe that the advantages of owning a Change the form of the verb
shown
smartphone
far outweigh the disadvantages. Smartphones provide people
with a way to stay connected with others, access information, and be entertained. While
it is important to be mindful of the potential distractions and addictive qualities of smartphones, I believe that the benefits of owning one are clear.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear logical structure and the ideas are not well-organized. Work on creating distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the concept of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity. Ensure that your introduction introduces the topic and outlines your viewpoint. The conclusion should restate your position and summarize the main points of your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Provide stronger support for your main points by including specific examples, statistics, or real-life cases. This will enhance the quality of your arguments and fulfill the task requirements more effectively.
task achievement
Complete the task by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone thoroughly. Your current response does not fully cover the disadvantages. Make sure to develop both sides of the argument equally to provide a balanced analysis.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Try to explain how each point relates to the question, and elaborate on your ideas to make them more insightful and complete. Avoid underdeveloped statements.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. Your essay lacks specific instances or case studies that demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone. Adding these will enhance the argumentative weight of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.