IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages? Bạn đã gửi

#world #people #smartphone #bạn #gửi
Nowadays, the number of people using smartphones has increased too much. The author of
this
 essay believes that the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the drawbacks. The most advantageous factor of having a mobile phone is that it can help users update their information every second.
In other words
, unlike newspapers and television, smartphones are as fast as possible because mobile phones can surf the net and use it to update words. From prior knowledge, most famous newspaper sites
such
 as the New York Times, NBC News, etc attorneys compete for the latest and most accurate account to get readers. So your smartphone will help you collate necessary information sources to serve your life. Another point worth considering is that phones can be used to keep in touch with your relatives or your friends who live far away. from you. With some apps like Zalo, Messenger, and Telegram, de, people can now interact with each other instantly.
Besides
, there are
also
 disadvantages to using smartphones. We easily become addicted to them and it affects our rhythm of life. People spend more and more time surfing and bagging online, which has made humanity increasingly distant and lazy. In conclusion, the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the drawbacks of new accounts and instant communication.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a basic structure but lacks sophisticated connecting devices. Use a wider range of discourse markers and vary sentence structures to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Expand your conclusion to reiterate your argument and summarize your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Provide clear and detailed explanations for each advantage or disadvantage to support your argument. Additionally, include specific examples or data to make your arguments more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!