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Band 3

today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
Today, many individuals have a
smartphone
. In my opinion, owning a
smartphone
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
 update information regularly but it can cause neglect. There are some benefits when we own a
smartphone
.First of all, the main reason is updating information regularly.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
show examples
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a lot of news
happen
Change the form of the verb
happening
show examples
 all over the world, so we have to research it if we don't want to be out of
dated
Change the form of the verb
date
show examples
.
Therefore
, some serious problems will be presented in news programs for us to prepare.
For example
,Japan usually
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 earthquake , which causes danger for
people
 and issues
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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, so they have to
notice
Replace the word
notify
show examples
 citizens to keep
Correct pronoun usage
them sale
show examples
sale
Correct your spelling
safe
show examples
.
Thus
, owning a
smartphone
 can rescue you.
However
,
people
 can get
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 from
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.The obvious problem is neglect.
In other words
, when
people
use
 the
smartphone
, they like immersing
Correct pronoun usage
themselves into
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the internet,
most
Correct word choice
but most
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 things can not take notice of them, which
get
Verb problem
causes
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 some
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 problems.
For instance
, in
adolescent
Correct article usage
the adolescent
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 age,
people
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 we
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 and keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets
show examples
, Even
use
Verb problem
apply
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when driving, these are reasons have some car accidents because of
careless
Replace the word
their carelessness
show examples
.
Additionally
, some
people
use
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 at night so much, which causes
myopic
Replace the word
myopia
show examples
 and
people
 will be not energetic when they go to school.
Hence
, we should be careful when
use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. In conclusion, owning a
smartphone
 has both advantages and disadvantages. So, we
nave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
 to
use
 it cleverly and make
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 turn into
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
good
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
.
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coherence cohesion
Work on constructing a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your thesis statement more prominently, as it currently lacks a strong introduction and conclusion. This will improve the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by using a range of cohesive devices effectively. The essay needs better transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the arguments seamlessly.
task achievement
Substantiate your main points with more varied and detailed examples. While some examples are present, they could be more specific and relevant to the argument being made.
task achievement
Develop paragraphs fully to explore each main point with greater clarity and depth. Each body paragraph should have a clear main idea, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that summarizes the point.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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