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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart shows the differences how three countries learn english in 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart shows the differences how three countries learn english in 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
These pie charts illustrate 3 ways that 3 countries practised English from 2010 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of people
chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
night
Use synonyms
 and online experienced
erratic
Correct article usage
an erratic
show examples
 trend, the opposite could be seen in
daytime
Add an article
the daytime
show examples
. Notably, learning in the morning and afternoon contributed to most of the ways. In country A, accounting for 50%, the percentage of daytime
learners
Use synonyms
 was the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 in 2010, followed by online with 34% and nigh-time with 16%.
This
Linking Words
 figure stayed unchanged at 50% over 5 years which made it the most way that people chose to learn English.
While
Linking Words
night
Use synonyms
 learning increased by 15%, virtual learning decreased by 14%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, country B witnessed the opposite trend, remote learning and day increased by 15% and 3% respectively, and
night
Use synonyms
learners
Use synonyms
 decreased by 13%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in country C, in 2010, online pupils only contributed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
5%, which was the lowest, 10 times lower than
night
Use synonyms
, which was the most favourable method.
This
Linking Words
 figure rose significantly by 15%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 observed period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, day and
night
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend.
While
Linking Words
 daytime
learners
Use synonyms
 declined moderately by 5%,
night
Use synonyms
learners
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly by 20%,
made
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 it from the most attractive method to the second favourite method.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words night, learners with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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