IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual's responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about who should be responsible for protecting the environment.
While
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 some argue that it is the
government
Use synonyms
's role, others believe every individual should take charge. In
this
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 essay, I'll explore both viewpoints and conclude with my opinion. Those who advocate for
government
Use synonyms
 obligation point out that authorities have the power to implement green policies and regulations.
Establishing
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By establishing
show examples
 these laws, political leaders can control pollution, manage industries which are based on oil production, and promote eco-friendly practices.
For example
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, setting strict emission standards and waste disposal regulations can make a significant impact on environmental preservation.
Furthermore
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, in some countries, people are encouraged by the leaders to donate clothes to second-hand shops in order to reuse materials.
Therefore
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,
according to
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this
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 view, the
government
Use synonyms
 is well-equipped to handle large-scale environmental issues.
On the other hand
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, individuals should take more responsibility, as their personal choices and habits contribute significantly to environmental problems.
Accordingly
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, if each person becomes more aware and adopts environmentally friendly practices, it will create a collective positive impact.
For instance
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, in Australia, almost every individual recycles their rubbish sorting it properly
according to
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 the item's category.
Moreover
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, everyone can participate in simple actions,
such
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 as planting trees, using public transportation, and utilising electricity when it is needed.
As a result
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, personal responsibility becomes crucial because making sustainable choices collectively makes a difference. In conclusion, the responsibility for saving the environment should be a joint effort. In my opinion, both individuals and the
government
Use synonyms
 should take action to keep the planet safe and clean, creating a balanced approach.
While
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 establish policies, the general public participates in eco-friendly activities.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in your introduction to guide the reader. While your essay concludes with a clear opinion, the introduction could have directly stated your balanced viewpoint for increased clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the connectivity of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases, ensuring smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To improve your task response, provide a more in-depth analysis of the topic with expanded explanations and additional examples to fully support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more nuanced conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also synthesizes the arguments provided in the essay, weighing the perspectives against each other for a richer final analysis.
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