IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shop and on public transport, others argue that people should be free to use their mobiles wherever they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #phones #places #libraries #shop #transport #mobiles
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Some
people
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 argue that banning smartphones in public
places
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 is necessary
while
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 others think it is an excessive action. In my opinion, mobile
phones
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 are important, especially in public
places
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 where we can easily get lost as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help us contact others for assistance.
To begin
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 with, one of the arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of banning gadgets in public locations is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can bother others nearby. Sometimes when individuals receive phone calls, they forget to lower the volume, especially in libraries,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can make other individuals who are concentrating on reading lose focus.
Furthermore
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, the policy may help prevent the loss of gadgets when conditions are crowded. Many cases of missing
phones
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 occur in crowded
places
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 like malls, public transportation, or even exhibitions. One possibility is the owners forget where they put the
phones
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, or worse, the
phones
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 could be stolen by pickpockets. Despite these arguments, I contend that mobile
phones
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 are very important in communal locations.
For example
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,
people
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 tend to have more free time when they are on public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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such
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 as trains and buses. Using mobile technologies they can utilize their free time to read some digital newspapers, chat with their families and play games.
Moreover
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, smartphones can help
people
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 meet each other in crowded
places
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. They can just text their friends regarding the locations of meetings,
then
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 they can meet easily.
Additionally
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, using mobile technologies can inform friends when someone is lost in unfamiliar
places
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, so it will be helpful to use the
phones
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 everywhere. In conclusion, smartphones can bother society if misused.
On the other hand
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, it can be very helpful in alleviating boredom and assisting
people
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 when they are lost.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to maintain focus and structure in the essay.
task achievement
Include more varied vocabulary and complex grammatical structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both sides of the argument.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, making the argument fair and unbiased.
supported main points
Main points are well supported with relevant examples, particularly in the analysis of how smartphones are useful in public places.
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