IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some individuals say that the primary environmental issue is the extinction of many plants and
animals
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,
while
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 others argue that there are more important environmental
problems
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and present the view that
species
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 are the main reason to protect the environment. On one hand, losing
animals
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 and plants may affect the ecology for many reasons. One main reason is that trees and plants are
air purified
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air-purified
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 because they emit oxygen and absorb carbon dioxide.
As a result
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, the pollution will be reduced.
Furthermore
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,
animals
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 have the power to help in plant growth by transferring their litter to the soil.
In addition
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, some types of
animals
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 can clean the area around them
such
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 as crows, they have a habit of collecting plastic bags or any shining materials.
For example
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, in Oxford, which is popular for raising cows, they take the cow's waste and use it as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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manure for the trees which
resulted
Wrong verb form
results
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 in a green and clean city. I believe
,
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apply
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 some specific
species
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 would help to solve many environmental issues and provide a friendly environment.
On the other hand
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, some people say that there are more significant environmental
problems
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. One of the
problems
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 is the pollution of
cars
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.
Cars
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 produce a lot of smoke that impacts the air and
this
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 issue should be solved by replacing fuel
cars
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 with electronic
cars
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 to protect the world.
For instance
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, the vehicles company Tesla, created a smart electronic car to avoid pollution. In my opinion, solving these
problems
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 might help
although
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 not the same as finding a solution to
species
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 extinctions.
To sum up
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,
while
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 some may express concern about various environmental issues, preserving biodiversity should be the main focus. Protecting the
species
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 from extinction might help to provide a friendly environment.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction with a thesis statement, a logical progression throughout the body paragraphs, and a conclusive summary. The introduction and conclusion were present, but a clearer thesis statement is needed to direct the essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear main ideas, supported by appropriate explanations, and specific examples. While you provided examples, they could be better explained and directly linked to the central argument of each paragraph.
task achievement
The response must fully address all parts of the task. The opinion was mentioned, but it needs to be more thoroughly analyzed and supported throughout the essay. Include a more balanced discussion of both views before expressing your own.
coherence cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques, ensuring the logical progression of ideas. Your essay can benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Generate ideas that are relevant and fully extended, and that relate more directly to the question. Use specific examples consistently to back up your points.
task achievement
Stay focused on the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid diverging into related—but not directly relevant—topics.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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