Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
this
modern world
, especially in urban and metropolitan areas, healthcare
, medication, and medicine are something that easy to access. With the increase in medical knowledge
, there is always a way
to cure
the illness. But still, many people
tend to choose alternative medicines and treatments rather than visiting official healthcare
. Of course with my logic, I can not stand this
phenomenon.
I can say, that my first opinion towards the above statement that
owning Add a missing verb
is that
knowledge
needs sacrifices and medicine since the Ibnu Sina era was the greatest invention ever. All medical students who studied for their 'doctor
' title have been fighting and struggling for almost six years. They try their best to cure
people
's health
problems with specific treatments as well as
medicines. Their dedication to public journals and following international seminars in order to find a new way
, a provable mpirical
to Correct your spelling
method
cure
specific health
problems is
Unnecessary verb
apply
prove
that the medical Wrong verb form
proves
world
runs adaptively in this
fast-changing world
. For example
, a friend of mine who studied for her doctor
degree has spent six years learning and four years specializing in cardiac arrest cases, rather than an alternative man who only has a strict Replace the word
doctorate
knowledge
about physiology bravely treats someone. That's why, it is such
nonsense that society still chooses the old way
now and then
.
And secondly
, I can add that several cases of traditional treatments bring more failures than successful ones. Some of them usually hold magic power inside which not many people
understand its consequences. Formal medication need
to register their practice license to prove that they officially have all the Change the verb form
needs
knowledge
needed to cure
and take responsibility for their action. Unlike formal medication, alternatives can never have an official licence and are not listed as government healthcare
. Another example, still in my country, many people
have broken bones by accident. Most of them, easily choose 'sangkal
Correct your spelling
Sangkat
putung
' which is traditional care to make broken bones back to their original. But more Correct your spelling
putting
people
still see the doctor
after they go to 'sangkal putung' because their bones can't a 100% back to normal. That is
why, choosing a doctor
is the best way
to get some help for our health
problems.
Thus
, my opinions are clear, I suppose. This
phenomenon reaches a very negative development. People
need to see more evidence that going to healthcare
is better than taking any alternative medicines since they don't know its consequences. Also
, there is a huge development in the medical world
and people
should stick to it for the sake of their health
.Submitted by aghnia.ulhaq on
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structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion structure. Ensure that the essay begins with an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Following paragraphs should contain distinct main points with supporting details, concluding with a summarised conclusion.
cohesion
There are attempts at logical progression but the frequent presence of incomplete sentences, erratic paragraphing and abrupt topic shifts impede the clarity of your arguments. To improve coherence, use a range of cohesive devices effectively and structure paragraphs so that each contains one clear main idea with supporting sentences.
task completion
The essay does not fully address the requirements of the task. It is expected that you present a balanced perspective with relevant examples. Expand on your ideas with clear explanations and evidence to provide a more complete response to the prompt.
examples
While some examples are present, they appear to be hypothetical rather than specific and concrete which undermines their effectiveness. Incorporate specific, detailed examples to illustrate your points and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.