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Writing Samples
Band 6

People are staying more and more at home, these days. What are the causes and effects.

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Nowadays individuals show more tendency to spend time at their homes.
This
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 essay will examine the main
causes
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 of stay at home and possible outcomes. The main two
causes
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 are the internet facilities and wide
access
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 to social media.
Firstly
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, many houses have an internet connection and are able to obtain comprehensive services
due to
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this
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 cyberspace
such
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 as banking, money deposits, transferring, and payments of bills. Past few decades it was not popular but innovation of technology and broadband connections increased usage because anyone should be able to
access
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 it by just clicking on a button at their own accommodations.
Secondly
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, wide
access
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 to social media
such
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 as WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram prevents families from outside
activities
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.
In other words
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,
this
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 is a convenient way to communicate with families, friends and society and
also
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, can see each other in updated life events.
For instance
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, most of the time community is willing to update selfies and videos on Facebook.
Hence
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, the significant usage of the World Wide Web and easy
access
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 to mobile phones keep
people
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 in shelters rather than in outdoor
activities
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.
This
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 cause has some possible effects, and one point is obesity.
Due to
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 limited
activities
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 and extended periods of sitting position contributes to being overweight.
Furthermore
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, lack of exercise and inadequate sleeping habits increased cholesterol levels and blood pressure.
For instance
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, the University of Horbart conducted
a
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apply
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research among
group
Add an article
a group
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 of
people
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 and revealed that 85% of obese individuals were using smart devices for long hours. The other effect is, fewer engaging social interactions resulting in depression. Most of the personalities who have less emotional connections and physical
activities
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 keep them isolated.
Moreover
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, long-term addictions to smart devices
impacthuman
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impact human
 life and deplete mental health. As an example, researchers reported more than 50% of
people
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 who
has
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have
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 monotonous lifestyles have a loss of mental stability.
Thus
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, illnesses and mental depression may have a relation to being at home more than it should be. In conclusion, internet facilities and a wide range of smart devices are
causes
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 for
people
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's ability to stay at home
instead
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 of going out. These
causes
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 will affect on persons'
activities
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 and develop obesity and mental depression.

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to clearly outline the essay structure in the introduction for better coherence. Aim to provide a roadmap of your arguments that connects logically throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points systematically, ensuring each paragraph reflects a clear progression from the previous one. This will improve the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are present, further development and support with more detailed and varied examples would enhance your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully respond to all aspects of the task. While causes and effects are mentioned, diving deeper into these aspects would provide a more robust response to the prompt.
task achievement
Continue to express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Where possible, expand on them by drawing connections between causes and effects to provide a more detailed understanding for the reader.
task achievement
In order to score higher in task response, it is important to use a wider range of examples that are both relevant to the argument and specific. This can sometimes involve citing real-world statistics or studies to back up your claims.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • home-centric lifestyle
  • remote work
  • commuting
  • online entertainment platforms
  • streaming services
  • safety and health concerns
  • COVID-19 pandemic
  • home delivery services
  • social isolation
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • family bonding
  • work-life balance
  • environmental benefits
  • real estate markets
  • brick-and-mortar businesses
  • e-commerce
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