IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctors #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been an increasing trend where people rather seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative medicine than
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionals to deal with various health issues. In my view, I believe that
this
 is a negative development
due to
 these two reasons.
Firstly
, it has no safe guarantee whether alternative medicines are produced by trained practitioners or not.
Amidst of the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 rapid development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and technology has brought millions of new drugs ranging from herbals to artificials.
Thus
, not all of it
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 safe to consume, as there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no proper testing nor have formal certification. Without paying attention thoroughly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these unproven drugs about the ingredients and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our bodies and
symptomps
Correct your spelling
symptoms
 will likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
lead to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new issues
such
 as particular organ damage.
Secondly
, there is
also
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 chance
to undergo
Change preposition
of undergoing
show examples
 malpractice during the treatments with
these informal institution
Change the determiner
this informal institution
these informal institutions
show examples
. Having your body or
symptomps
Correct your spelling
symptoms
 to be cured by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unprofessional individuals is extremely risky
to
Add the comma(s)
, to
show examples
 begin with as they do not receive any formal education in
this
 field and have little knowledge to lessen the diseases. As coming from my examples, previously, my brother went to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several traditional clinics with the hope that we could get many perspectives and see more opinions about the disease since it was a unique one, and some of the clinics that we visited reported different diagnosed that in which were confusing. From that, it can proven that if we are not really carefully aware of
such
 issues when attending
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of alternatives, your disease can even lead to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
serious injuries
such
 as deaths. All in all,
although
 visiting experts
cost
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more expensive than the alternatives, still to consider the lifetime result and safer guidance that they offer is incredibly worth more.
Submitted by pink panther on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content
Task response: You should ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you presented an opinion and some development of ideas, there was an opportunity to discuss possible positive effects as a contrast. This would provide a more comprehensive answer. Consider balancing your argument if the prompt allows it to demonstrate an understanding of both sides.
Organization
Coherence and cohesion: The basic organisational framework was evident; however, transitions between ideas could be smoother. To improve logical progression, signpost your essay more clearly, especially between the main ideas and their supporting arguments. Also, work on the relationship between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that they flow naturally from one to the other.
Content
Supported main points: While you provided examples to support your points, they could be more specifically linked to your main arguments. Clarifying how these examples support your points, perhaps by elaborating on them, would strengthen your argument. Avoid generalizations and strive for precision in your writing.
Organization
Introduction and conclusion: Your introduction and conclusion are present but ensure that the introduction outlines all the points you intend to discuss and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance without introducing new arguments. The thesis statement could be clearer to set a strong direction for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • conventional medicine
  • holistic approach
  • personalized care
  • side effects
  • regulation
  • evidence-based
  • self-care
  • empowerment
  • holistic health centers
  • complementary treatments
  • dissatisfaction
  • scientific evidence
  • appropriate treatment
  • cultural beliefs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: