IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

While some people consider global warming to be more pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has more devastating impacts on our worlds. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, the growth of numerous environmental factors
such
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 as climate change and forest destruction have become global issues. Some people believe that we should concentrate on easing global warming
while
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 others claim that deforestation has a more adverse impact on humans. In my opinion, I think both issues need to be tackled equally. First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that global warming is a long-lasting hazardous problem that was not addressed adequately. With The increase in thermal power stations and the demand for transportation, a lot of fumes and smog have been generated,
hence
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, emissions appear all over the world.
As a result
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, high portions of animals are endangered, they can not get used to the change in weather so
that
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apply
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many species have died.
For example
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, the Arctic is facing ice-melting
due to
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 global warming, which leads to the deaths of some species
such
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 as polar bears or penguins.
Additionally
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, not only animals have been placed under detrimental conditions but humans’ livelihoods will
also
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 be affected.
For instance
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, in recent years, China needs to ease the growth of carbon dioxide in their atmosphere to live.
On the other hand
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, there are some reasons supporting the statement that the detrimental impacts of deforestation are more crucial. It is important to remember that as regards the economic evaluation, many countries have cut down trees and cleared forests in order to save places for construction.
In other words
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,
this
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 action is the precursor to losing the habitats of animals and diminishing fresh air, which deprives the health of humans.
According to
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 statistics, Vietnam takes second place among countries that increase CO2 rapidly which is the culprit for ozone depletion. In conclusion, both deforestation and global warming affect the earth negatively. In my opinion, these dilemmas have to be given attention to address adequately by both governments and individuals.

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introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, making your stance known. However, to improve, ensure that the introduction not only presents the topic but also sets the tone for the arguments that will follow. The conclusion should succinctly consolidate your opinion, reaffirming the arguments discussed.
logical structure
While you have attempted to logically structure your arguments, there are opportunities to enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Connectives have been used, but the flow could be improved by varying your sentence structures and enhancing the transitions between ideas to guide your reader more smoothly through your arguments.
supported main points
Your main points are supported, but they would benefit from the inclusion of stronger, more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the argument being made. Examples and details need to directly support the main point of each paragraph.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your response to the task is on target; however, I recommend that you fully develop all parts of the prompt to ensure a rich discussion. Make your opinions and ideas clear, expanding on them with comprehensive explanations, which help to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided to support your arguments are relevant but lack specificity. Aim to include specific facts, figures, or studies that are directly related to your key points in order to give your essay more credibility and strength.
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