IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that university students should study a full range of subjects, instead of some specific subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people consider that it is more important to learn a variety of
subjects
Use synonyms
 than to focus on a certain field of
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in undergraduate study. I strongly agree with
this
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 view and I will present my argument in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, when it comes to undergraduate study, it is important to go broad
first,
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and
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 go deep.
Students
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 who acquire numerous
subjects
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 are likely to have more comprehensive and wider perspectives than others, which
further
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 develops into vital intellectual abilities.
That is
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 why most universities offer general education
courses
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, including psychology, economics, and literature introductory
courses
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, for
students
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 to complete in the first year of college. Those introduction
courses
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 are designed for
students
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 to have a basic understanding of what a
knowledge
Use synonyms
 field is about,
along with
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 a broad exposure
of
Change preposition
to
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 multiple disciplines.
Secondly
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
knowledge
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 about multiple disciplines is likely to lead to the wrong choice of career path. It is common for
students
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 to choose careers based on their university major. Without
further
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 exploration, it is possible for a person to work in the profession based on his college major yet not suitable for him, and feels regret after working years.
For example
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, many
students
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 in Taiwan choose to be teachers as their major and pursue a similar teaching career as they are told by their parents that being a teacher means a secure career.
However
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, few people eventually quit teaching to pursue careers in marketing or
councelling
Correct your spelling
counselling
 for it is what they really enjoy. By taking more
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the university,
such
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 mistakes could be avoided and those people could know what field of profession they have more passion about. In conclusion, it is important to explore one’s interests by taking
courses
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various
subjects
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. Not only
students
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 could have a basic
knowledge
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 of what those
subjects
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 are about
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
they could
also
Linking Words
 make the right decision in choosing the major
that is
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 suitable for them.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay. Although your essay shows good progression, attention to connecting ideas and paragraphs more cohesively would enhance the clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and present. This effectively frames your essay, maintaining a good focus on the task's main subject.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points consistently with specific examples. While your essay provides good support for your points, further specificity and detail in examples would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide a complete and thorough response to the task, covering all parts of the prompt. You addressed the main question but developing your points with more depth and detail would improve your score.
Task Achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas by expanding on your points and ensuring they are fully explained and developed. Your essay could benefit from additional elaboration on your arguments.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to support your reasoning. Your examples were somewhat general; there is room for more targeted and concrete examples to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • interdisciplinary
  • innovation
  • critical thinking
  • adaptability
  • specialization
  • academic performance
  • cognitive overload
  • employability
  • workforce demands
  • niche areas
  • mastery
  • learning styles
  • career aspirations
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