IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

#societies #grandchildren #quality #time #grandparents #consequences
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In the developing world, many
grandchildren
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 rarely spend any
quality
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time
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 with their
grandparents
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. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 situation is any worse. These have
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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. First of all, in many countries,
grandchildren
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 infrequently spend good
time
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 with their
grandparents
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation is better than not spending
time
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. Because more and more
grandchildren
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 should spend
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
time
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 with their
grandparents
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. Namely,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 must be careful. But more
grandchildren
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 do not spare
time
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 for
grandparents
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they ignore their
grandparents
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. Because some children focus on studying and learning another activity.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, they forget to spend
time
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 with their
grandparents
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.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, only a few children
never
Correct your spelling
ever
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 spend
time
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 with them.
Besides
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, they completely forget them and don't appreciate them.
Then
Linking Words
 again, they don't pay attention and rarely spend any
quality
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time
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 with their
grandparents
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation is very bad.
Secondly
Linking Words
, from my point of view, it is our duty. Namely,
grandchildren
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 should appreciate and take care of
grandparents
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
grandchildren
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 spend more and more
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
quality
Use synonyms
time
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 with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
them. They should pay more attention. They must be more kind,
courtesy
Replace the word
courteous
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, generous, and
appreciate
Replace the word
appreciative
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Because we may not find them later.
That is
Linking Words
 why we should appreciate them and spend more
time
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 together.
To conclude
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,
grandchildren
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 should spend
effectively
Change the adverb
effective
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time
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
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 as soon as possible.
Besides
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, we should be kind to them and always try to cheer them up. Always, they should be respected and careful. Possibly, always must be with them and take care of them.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,
grandchildren
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 need to spend
good
Correct article usage
a good
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time
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
show examples
 as soon as possible.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Consider providing a more structured introduction and conclusion. An effective essay typically begins with a clear thesis statement and wraps up with a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position. Your introduction and conclusion were somewhat vague and did not establish a strong framework for the essay.
Logical Structure
Develop a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea, and ensure every sentence within the paragraph supports that idea. Your essay showed an attempt at structuring but lacked clarity and coherence in places.
Supported Main Points
Back your main points with well-developed examples and explanations. Your essay contains general statements without clear, specific examples to illustrate your points. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your argument and make your ideas more convincing.
Complete Response
Make sure to comprehensively address all parts of the task. Your essay seems to miss a thorough exploration of the consequences of grandchildren not spending quality time with grandparents. Expanding on the impacts with detailed analysis would enhance the completeness of your response.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly articulated and comprehensive. Aim to present your points in a clear and concise manner, making sure they are logical and well-thought-out. Your essay would benefit from a more focused development of ideas.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include relevant and specific examples to support your argument. Your essay lacks specific examples which could make a strong case for the causes and ramifications of the issue at hand. Detailed stories or data can solidify the argument and demonstrate your understanding.
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