In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

In the developing world, many
grandchildren
rarely spend any
quality
time
with their
grandparents
. In my opinion,
this
situation is any worse. These have
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
. First of all, in many countries,
grandchildren
infrequently spend good
time
with their
grandparents
.
On the other hand
,
this
situation is better than not spending
time
. Because more and more
grandchildren
should spend
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
with their
grandparents
. Namely,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
must be careful. But more
grandchildren
do not spare
time
for
grandparents
.
Also
, they ignore their
grandparents
. Because some children focus on studying and learning another activity.
For
this
reason, they forget to spend
time
with their
grandparents
.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, only a few children
never
Correct your spelling
ever
show examples
spend
time
with them.
Besides
, they completely forget them and don't appreciate them.
Then
again, they don't pay attention and rarely spend any
quality
time
with their
grandparents
.
This
situation is very bad.
Secondly
, from my point of view, it is our duty. Namely,
grandchildren
should appreciate and take care of
grandparents
.
Also
,
grandchildren
spend more and more
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
them. They should pay more attention. They must be more kind,
courtesy
Replace the word
courteous
show examples
, generous, and
appreciate
Replace the word
appreciative
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Because we may not find them later.
That is
why we should appreciate them and spend more
time
together.
To conclude
,
grandchildren
should spend
effectively
Change the adverb
effective
show examples
time
with
grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
show examples
as soon as possible.
Besides
, we should be kind to them and always try to cheer them up. Always, they should be respected and careful. Possibly, always must be with them and take care of them.
That is
to say,
grandchildren
need to spend
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
time
with
grandparents
Correct pronoun usage
their grandparents
show examples
as soon as possible.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Consider providing a more structured introduction and conclusion. An effective essay typically begins with a clear thesis statement and wraps up with a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position. Your introduction and conclusion were somewhat vague and did not establish a strong framework for the essay.
Logical Structure
Develop a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea, and ensure every sentence within the paragraph supports that idea. Your essay showed an attempt at structuring but lacked clarity and coherence in places.
Supported Main Points
Back your main points with well-developed examples and explanations. Your essay contains general statements without clear, specific examples to illustrate your points. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your argument and make your ideas more convincing.
Complete Response
Make sure to comprehensively address all parts of the task. Your essay seems to miss a thorough exploration of the consequences of grandchildren not spending quality time with grandparents. Expanding on the impacts with detailed analysis would enhance the completeness of your response.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure that your ideas are clearly articulated and comprehensive. Aim to present your points in a clear and concise manner, making sure they are logical and well-thought-out. Your essay would benefit from a more focused development of ideas.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include relevant and specific examples to support your argument. Your essay lacks specific examples which could make a strong case for the causes and ramifications of the issue at hand. Detailed stories or data can solidify the argument and demonstrate your understanding.
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