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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from university in their home country. Why is this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #work #country #university #home
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Recently, it is inevitably that more and more individuals prefer to accommodate and work in another nation after finishing their bachelor degree.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that there are numerous demerits, I concur with the idea that countless pros are explicitly outweigh those cons which will be deeply discussed in the following paragraphs: First and foremost obstacle that discourage new graduates to pursue their occupation in another country is a difference in
language
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, particularly living in a country that has its own mother toungue: China, Japan, and Thailand.
Moreover
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, most of the aforementioned countries are a concervative country. To clarify, rather than communicate in English, their citizens perfer to speak in their own
language
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although
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 they are able to communicate in English, which is the universal
language
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.
In addition
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, there are a number of cultures that might distinct from other countries, which foreigners need to follow them. Take Japan
for instance
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, various Japanese are communicate solely in Japanese albeit they can speak English;
furthermore
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,
according to
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 their traditions, youths need to pay respect to their senior workers, resulting in they can express only a limited expression when they are working in Japanese company which might make them feel uncomfortable and sometimes hectic. On the other hands, apart from these drawbacks as mentioned earier, those problems can be solved by using a considerable number of applications,
such
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 as Google Translator, Duolingua, and DeepL application, thanks to technological advancement.
Moreover
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, there is a quantity of advantages that can be beneficial to young adults who migrate to live and occupy in another nation. The first one is obviously a better annually income that they can gain from being an employee in developed countries. A salary from being a cheif in the USA,
for example
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, is four times higher compared to that of a cheif in Thailand.
In addition
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, many people can gain a lot of experiences from traveling to some travel spots
while
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 they are woring in another state. In the light of these facts, it is overtly undeniable that merits of living and working aboard are eventually paid-off
due to
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 higher income rates and travelling experience,
whereas
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 some setbacks: culture and
language
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 are no longer being problems, thanks to the development in technology.
Submitted by giftsuvichaya1702 on

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task achievement
Review the prompt carefully to ensure your response aligns with the question. Address both parts of the question: why people move abroad and whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Clarify your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and ensure this is consistently reflected throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. Organize it into clear paragraphs with introductions and conclusions and use cohesive devices to link ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide a balance of both advantages and disadvantages in your essay, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph followed by supporting details.
task achievement
Expand upon the examples given by explaining how they support your argument. Use both general statements and specific instances to illustrate your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider your grammar and vocabulary. Vary your sentence structures, check for subject-verb agreement and avoid repetition of words. Look up synonyms where applicable to enrich your language use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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