Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as role models. Is that a positive or negative development?

In the present day and age, celebrities have a profound impact on young individuals and serve as role models. It is argued whether it has a beneficial or detrimental evolution. In my perspective, the aforementioned notion has indeed a both expansion for reasons as shall be elaborated presently.
To begin
with, there are several advantages to following famous influencers. One of the most significant is that prominent people encourage the youth to shape their mindset to be successful.
In other words
, to make themselves a thriving individual, famous people tend to have healthy lifestyles with optimistic minds. They spend the majority of time developing their skills, in terms of expanding their knowledge in various aspects,
such
as interpersonal skills, and personal development, fostering their strengths and talents;
As a result
, when youngsters constantly follow their admired personalities, they learn the valuable lessons about success and obstacles in life.
On the other hand
. despite the above positive impacts, blindly going around with a notorious one perhaps could contribute to some negative consequences. To exemplify
this
, Owing to having social apps like Instagram, which any user can easily obtain as a bellwether, represent deleterious brands and nasty habits for the sake of money.
Furthermore
, it is a commonly witnessed phenomenon in Canada, that youth are more focused on TikTok and Instagram
instead
of their studies or working hard;
As a result
, their academic performance is decreasing as well and facing challenges in finding jobs. In the view arguments outlined above one can conclude that,
although
famous people play a crucial role in guiding children to be successful in life, Negative consequences like distracting them from studies are dire to ignore.
Submitted by rajputashutosh0009 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain a clearer logical structure in your paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and connecting ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the clarity and relevance of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay is a complete response to the question, addressing both positive and negative aspects of the influence of famous people on young people.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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