IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#percentage #time #australian #mothers #fathers #children #four #activities #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of All
mothers
Use synonyms
,
fathers
Use synonyms
, or
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 in Australia assisting their children to do several
activities
Use synonyms
 in 2023. The units are measured in percentage and
activities
Use synonyms
 are divided into four types, there are dressing, homework, playing games, and preparing for bed.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 help their children in all categories, with the exception of the
fathers
Use synonyms
, who have a low percentage of assistance in all
activities
Use synonyms
. Regarding the role of
parents
Use synonyms
 in supporting their children when dressing,
mothers
Use synonyms
 have the biggest rate at around 75%,
both
Use synonyms
mothers
Use synonyms
 and
fathers
Use synonyms
 at half,
whereas
Linking Words
 helped
fathers
Use synonyms
 only nearly 2%. Activitiy of homework,
also
Linking Words
 majority supported by
mothers
Use synonyms
 at two-thirds, the role of
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 activity accounted for just above 40%, and
fathers
Use synonyms
 constituted one-tenth which was the biggest
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 compared with other
activities
Use synonyms
. In terms of playing games, the percentage of
parents
Use synonyms
' support was the biggest proportion at exactly 70%,
while
Linking Words
mothers
Use synonyms
 still have a bigger share at 25% compared with
fathers
Use synonyms
 at only 5%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, preparing the bed
also
Linking Words
 assists
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 at half, followed by
mothers
Use synonyms
 at just above 40% and
fathers
Use synonyms
 having the same number playing games.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words mothers, fathers, both, parents, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • time spent
  • Australian mothers
  • fathers
  • helping
  • children
  • activities
  • reading
  • homework
  • playing sports
  • general play
  • comparison
  • 2013
  • significantly
  • difference
What to do next:
Look at other essays: