IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
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Technology is growing ,and a computer is very important for
students
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 because many schools use
computers
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 in teaching and learning. The number of using technology in Education is increasing everywhere. So, I surely agree that schools should support free notebooks for high school
students
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 ,and
this
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 essay will discuss why
governments
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 should support free
laptops
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 for
students
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 and will give reasons.
To begin
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 with, the positive of
governments
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 should spend money on free
laptops
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.
Laptops
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 are very useful for high school
students
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such
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 as searching for information and lessons from the internet.
For instance
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, with COVID-19, the percentage of sold
laptops
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 is rising because children must study from home. So, I think that if schools give free
computers
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 to
students
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, they will learn online from their houses ,and
this
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 action can protect them from COVID-19.
Secondly
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,
computers
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 are very expensive for some families ,so if
governments
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 give them free, it will help
students
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 and families to save money. I think that it would be very useful if
governments
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 gave free
laptopslaptops
Correct your spelling
laptops laptops
laptops-laptops
 to children because everyone would use
computers
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 for studying.
On the other hand
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, some think that
students
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 can use
laptops
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 to find data and play games so, it is may harmful for them ,but I think that we can solve
this
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 problem
such
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 as teachers controlling them.
Thus
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, I think that the government should spend the budget on free
computers
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.
To sum up
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, I believe that
students
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 should give free
laptops
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 to children because it can be seen that
computers
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 are very useful for them ,and they need to have a computer for learning.
Also
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,
computers
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 are high cost for them.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should provide a preview of the main points to be discussed, while the conclusion needs to summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop logical connections between ideas and paragraphs to ensure a coherent argument. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is expanded upon with explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Effectively support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Make sure your ideas are developed sufficiently, not just stated.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring you have answered the question directly and completely. Maintain a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Demonstrate comprehensive and clear idea development throughout your essay. Your argument should be readily understandable and each point should contribute to the overall position or argument.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples that are relevant to the argument you are making. The examples should be detailed enough to help illustrate your point and provide insight into your reasoning.
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