In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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day and age, some individuals have their own mobile phones.
This
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author argues that the benefits of contact with
people
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who live far away and the ability to entertain and various functions outweigh the drawbacks of a lack of communication between
people
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and
people
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. The most advantageous factor of having a
smartphone
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is that it can help
people
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easily access to keep in touch and interact with other
people
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although
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they live far away or long distances.
Smartphones
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can easily save all the phone numbers so that when they need to call , they just
also
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need to use the
smartphone
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.
For example
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, pupils who study abroad need to contact their family, they just need to utilize their phone to interact with their family, they can see the image and listen to their
parent's
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parents'
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voices immediately
instead
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of sending the letter a few months ago parents can
also
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receive that, it wastes too much time and
also
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can be unavoidable some accidents during the process of transforming the letter. The other benefit of possessing a
smartphone
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is that the
smartphone
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is a tool which solves
people
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's desires and demands. With
smartphones
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,
people
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can search for everything they need on Google, they can conduct everything they want, and entertain themselves, it is
also
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convenient for them to bring the
smartphone
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everywhere . Listening to music everywhere
instead
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of using stereo, watching movies on a
smartphone
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instead
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of television. Take reading ebooks as an example,
instead
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of carrying heavy or inconvenient books everywhere and every time, they just
also
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need to bring a small
smartphone
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to read their book.
However
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, everything
also
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has a two-edged sword, so
besides
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some of the benefits that it brings to
people
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, it
also
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has drawbacks, using
smartphones
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too much leads to addiction and a lack of communication between
people
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and
people
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.
Instead
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of speaking with each other,
people
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these days tend to be isolated and use
smartphones
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to chat with their friends.
This
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problem becomes worse and worse when
people
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become dependent on their
smartphones
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and do not focus on everything surrounding them.
For example
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, in the past when
people
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observed someone get
accident
Add an article
an accident
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, they would assist them, but in the modern age, they
turned
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turn
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a blind eye to them and they just
paid
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pay
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attention to their
smartphones
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. If
this
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problem still continues, the distance between
people
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and
people
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might become longer and longer. From that, it leads to a ''ruthless'' society. In conclusion, possessing own
smartphone
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can have disadvantages, but the benefits that
people
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receive from them tend to outweigh the drawbacks.
However
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,
people
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need to stop using
smartphones
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and not depend on them too much.
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas logically, but there are areas where the flow of information could be improved for better coherence. Try to use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraph structures to enhance the logical progression of thoughts.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more effectively articulated to provide a clearer framework for the essay. Make sure that the introduction clearly outlines the forthcoming points, and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments made.
coherence cohesion
You've provided support for your main points, but the development of these points could be more thorough to strengthen your argument. Aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a response to the topic. To achieve a higher score, ensure the response thoroughly covers all aspects of the prompt, demonstrates a clear position throughout, and develops the response with a greater range of ideas and examples.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but clarity and depth are needed to create a more comprehensive response. Aim to express your thoughts with precision and develop each idea fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, but they could be more specific and detailed to effectively illustrate your points. Include concrete examples and elaborate on them to enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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