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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#concept #success #interpretations #individuals #work #determination #factors #wealth #appearance
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Regarding how to be successful, hard work and determination are regarded as an essential route
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
success
,
while
 some individuals contend that factors
such
 as wealth and physical appearance are more influential.
This
 essay will attempt to explain both views and why I believe that the factors are more effective for
success
. First of all, some
people
 support that humans can develop their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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through
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by
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 striving for
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 and positions in society.
Subsequently
, they will not only have a high quality of
lifes
Correct your spelling
life
 but
also
 be regarded as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
.
For example
, over 43% of doctors, who are thought to have an ideal career in Taiwan, grew up in a poor family, but they never gave up and spent a lot of time improving themselves when they were young.
Therefore
, they achieve significant accomplishments nowadays. In short, it is useful for
people
 to work hard and persist.
On the other hand
, sometimes, factors
such
 as wealth and physical appearance are seen as the most vital points which cause
people
’s achievements.
Thus
,
people
 lose their motivation and energy to pursue
success
.
According to
 the report released in the EU in 2022, 69%
teenagers’
Change preposition
of teenagers’
show examples
 attitudes
in
Change preposition
toward
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 their job are called quiet-quitting because they think they can not change their situation without excellent talents or a perfect background. In brief,
this
 attitude of life makes
people
 passive. In conclusion, it is controversial between the reasons which are more efficient for
success
. As far as I am concerned, wealth is the most important advantage which leads
people
 to become successful, especially in recent years because investing money can recruit mentors,
collect
Correct word choice
and collect
show examples
 knowledge more efficiently.
Hece
Correct your spelling
Hence
Here
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who have a lot of money would have more opportunities to succeed.
Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction sets the tone and presents the topic clearly. Avoid ambiguity in introducing the views.
Logical Structure
Work on the logical flow of ideas. There should be a clear progression from one idea to the next with appropriate paragraphing.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples. This enhances the persuasiveness of your argument.
Complete Response
Be sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. Each view should be explored thoroughly, and your own opinion must be evident.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive for clarity and elaboration in your ideas. Vague comments should be replaced with comprehensive arguments.
Relevant Specific Examples
Include specific examples to illustrate your points. This exemplifies a good understanding of the topic and strengthens your essay.
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