IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the Internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#business #meetings #place #internet #development
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In
modern
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the modern
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 world, conducting training online is
consider
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considered
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as
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apply
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a normal practice. Most organizations are moving towards
hybrid
Correct article usage
a hybrid
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 work culture.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 norm has both pros and cons. In my opinion, there are some major factors which have overcome the disadvantages. In my forthcoming
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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i
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I
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 will discuss whether
this
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 activity has overcome the drawbacks. To commence with, companies do not have to spend too much when it comes to
expense
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expenses
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.
Emplyees
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Employees
 or other members can attend these
meeting
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meetings
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 from the comfort of their homes or anywhere.
Therefore
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, online meetings
cuts
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cut
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 off almost half of the cost for the organizations. These meetups are
cosidered
Correct your spelling
considered
 good options for those
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
Correct pronoun usage
who lives
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lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 in far areas. They do not have to travel long for the meetings.
On the other hand
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, some people face difficulties
while
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 attending online workshops. In some under-developed or developing countries;
lack
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a lack
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 of internet resources can cause serious
problem
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problems
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 for some people
..
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.
...
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For instance
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,
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a person
the person
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person
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people
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 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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remote areas will not
able
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be able
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 to attend
these business workshop
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this business workshop
these business workshops
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 because of connectivity
issue
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issues
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. Electricity
issue
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issues
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 can
also
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 be
count
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counted
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 as a major problem in those areas.
To sum up
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, online trainings have both flaws and strengths. But with modern technology and recent development advantages of
this
Linking Words
 development have truly
outweighs
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outweighed
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 the disadvantages. For that reason, businesses are now conducting more online
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 than physical.
Submitted by araibbutt93 on

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coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which meets the basic requirements. However, the logical flow can be enhanced by presenting ideas in a more organized manner, using more sophisticated linking devices, and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online business meetings and training. Nevertheless, you could improve by further expanding on the ideas presented with more detailed examples and by consistently offering a clear opinion throughout the essay. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and fulfill the task more completely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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