IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree whit this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #whit
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There is no denying that
music
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 has brought connections from various
cultures
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 among individuals. Some
people
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 believe that
music
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 is not a good approach to bringing
people
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 of diverse
cultures
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 and
ages
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 with each other,
while
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 some other
people
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 reject the notion.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my views for
favoring
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favouring
show examples
 the impacts and
thus
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, will lead to a logical conclusion. On the one hand,
music
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 is a universal language that can make effective communication among
people
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 or nations. We have always seen that
people
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 from different
cultures
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, languages,
colors
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colours
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, and backgrounds show interest in
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
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music
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 or even a singer as they listen to the melody regardless of what its language is.
For instance
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, Enrique Iglesias has millions of fans from different generations all over the world even though lots of listeners do not understand what he says.
On the other hand
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, individuals
from
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of
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 different
ages
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 and with different tastes
of
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in
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music
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 cannot agree on listening to a specific
music
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. Younger generations are interested in listening to pop or RAP
music
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while
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 elderly
people
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 prefer listening to traditional or even instrumental
music
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.
This
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 can be one of the main reasons that we are not able to consider
music
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 as a good way
for bringing
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to bring
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people
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 from different
cultures
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 and
ages
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.
For example
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, my sister is
interested
Rephrase
so interested
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 in R&B
music
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 that I can barely stand for one hour
while
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 I am interested in listening to classical
music
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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my sister
detests
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detests it
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. In conclusion, considering both sides of the subject, I am inclined to believe that
music
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 can be considered a great way
for connecting
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to connect
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people
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 and nations
from
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of
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 different
ages
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, but we should not forget that, there are lots of other ways
for making
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to make
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 these connections stronger.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure. Use clear paragraphing to separate your points and present your ideas in a logical order.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are essential. Ensure you have a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summarizing conclusion that echoes your main arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. Each paragraph should be centered around one main idea and followed by illustrations or examples to substantiate your views.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully respond to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Whether you agree or disagree, make it clear and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively. Expand on your thoughts with explanations and examples that add depth to your argument.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to make your argument more convincing. Examples should be relevant to the point you are making and help illustrate your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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